Tag Archives: worrying

Let it go – with hypnosis

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There is an old saying ‘being angry at someone is like trying to kill another person by taking poison yourself’

When you are angry at someone, or something, you don’t hurt them, you hurt yourself. What is the point of your anger? Does it help? Does it make you feel better? Does it achieve anything? If the answer to these questions is no, then the best thing to do is to let it go. Sometimes that’s easier said than done though, so how can you make it easier? Well, my choice would be by using Hypnosis.

I posted earlier in the week about one method that you can use to self hypnotise. There are other methods available and I will post more examples as we go along, but for now, give the eye fixation method described previously a try. Once you have achieved a nice state of relaxation you are ready to work on letting it, whatever it is, go.


Think about an image that represents the thing that you want to let go. For example if you did poorly on a test and you are angry at yourself, you might want to put get a picture of your grade on a piece of paper. When you have it clearly pictured in your mind, shrink it in size and imagine a bubble forming around it. Your bubble can be clear or coloured, sparkly or plain, that’s entirely up to you. When you can imagine the bubble, when you know what it looks like, think about holding it in front of you and blowing on it. Really give it a good blast of air so that it floats off into the distance. Follow it with your minds eye as it gets smaller and smaller, until it finally get so far away that you can’t see it any more and it entirely disappears from view. Notice how much better you feel now that it has gone from your mind.

Then when you’re ready, take a big, cleansing breath, wiggle your toes and fingers and only when you’re ready,

open your eyes.


It can take a few goes for your subconscious to take the hint and realise that you want to let go of this thought forever, so if it pops back into your mind, don’t worry, just take a a few minutes to go through the process again.

As with all of these types of techniques, you may find that it takes a little practise for it to work well for you, and that’s OK. It’s a bit like exercise or learning to play an instrument, you have to train and practise to get good at it.

So, let go of any anger, guilt, jealousy or any other negative emotion and find a little peace and happiness today 🙂

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Do you know how to breathe?

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Do you know how to breathe?

I’m guessing the answer is YES or you probably wouldn’t be reading this right now…

But do you know how to breathe to change how you feel?

Most people feel stressed or nervous from time to time (some people feel stressed and nervous most of the time) and I think we can all agree it’s not a great way to feel. Something known as the fight or flight response kicks in and our bodies are flooded with hormones that make us feel jumpy, hyper alert, make our breathing rapid, our palms sweaty, gives us a fluttery feeling in our stomachs, maybe even makes us feel nauseous. In extreme cases this can lead to panic attacks and in chronic cases (ones that last for months or even years) it can have devastating effects on the body, particularly the heart.

But how can you control it? Well one of the ways is to control your breathing. Simply by making your out breath longer than your in breath, you change your bodies chemistry and start to reduce the stress hormones and increase the hormones related to relaxation and sleep. Sometimes this is called 7-11 breathing as it is suggested that you breath in to the count of 7 and breath out to the count of 11. In my experience with clients, they can sometimes find this a little tough and then they get stressed about their breathing, which doesn’t help, so just try taking a deep breath in and then blowing it out slowly through pursed lips – almost like you are whistling, but without making the noise. Do this 5 or 6 times and you should already be starting to feel a difference. A teacher of mine one called this the 60 second tranquilliser, and it really does work that fast.

Of course there are times when we want to feel more alert and in those situations (for me it’s while I’m waiting for the morning Coffee to kick in) you can do the reverse. A slow deep breath in, followed by a fast exhale will get you feeling the energy in no time. Do be careful with this one though as some people can feel light headed when they do it.

So, there you have it – two quick and easy tricks to change how you feel just by breathing….

Be Safe, Be Well and Feel Great

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You’re not Perfect – and that’s OK

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In the UK it’s the time of year that the A level results are released. Some 18 year olds will be thrilled that they have the grades they wanted to go to University, or to go for a course they wanted to do. Others will be devastated. They believe that their life is over.

They are wrong

Depression has been a hot topic of news this week because of the sad loss of Robin Williams. Some people seem to be angry or disappointed in him because he couldn’t stand to be alive any more. Some people are taking their pain out on those close to him, blaming them for not doing more.

They are wrong

Some people are beating themselves up for not being better, doing better, trying harder, working more….

…….for not being perfect

They are wrong

I’m not saying you shouldn’t try to do your best – Of course you should. You should try and be the best person you can be each and every day of your life. But you should also forgive yourself when you fail to achieve these goals sometimes.

Nobody is perfect – and you’re not Nobody!

So, give yourself (and those around you) a break. We all make mistakes, we all fall down, we are all a little broken. If you come across someone who is a little bit more broken than others, show them a little more care, give them a little more help, a little more latitude – even if that person is yourself.

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Be someone who makes you happy.

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How often do we blame someone else for making us sad or angry or frustrated?

How often do we say that somebody is driving us crazy?

How often is that true?

I would argue that the answer to the last question is never. Nobody has the power to control how you feel – that’s up to you.

Now, before you all start shouting at me, telling me ‘it’s not as easy as that’, let me say – I know. Letting go of the things that upset your happiness is hard, it takes work and practise and can sometimes feel impossible, but it can be done.

The first thing to do is to be honest with yourself, accept the fact that you a flawed person who is not perfect, and actually believe that that’s OK. You don’t have to be perfect. Nobody else is either, and that’s OK too.

Next you have to try to do the things that make you happy, and to not do the things that make you feel guilty. That’s not to say you have to be perfect (see the first point I made) but that you have to be OK with your imperfections.

Thirdly, you might want to try meditation, particularly Mindfulness. It shows you that you are not your thoughts and emotions, and you can separate yourself from them. Just because an angry thought flits across your mind, you don’t have to become angry – you can let it go.

On paper, that all looks relatively easy, but it’s not. It takes time, persistence, patience and diligence and many people give up along the way. My advice would be to get help. Join meditation classes, try a little therapy (in my opinion CBT and Hypnotherapy would be most effective), spend time with people who have the same goals as you.

Whatever your path to happiness, you’ll find that other people or things can make a difference in the short term, but true happiness comes from you.

I hope you find a way to make you happy. I’m still a work in progress, but maybe I’ll meet you on somewhere on the journey if our paths cross 🙂

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Sunday Dreams

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Do you ever sit there on a Sunday and think ‘Right, Tomorrow is when it all begins!’

Monday is the day you decide to make the change, whether it’s to start the diet, stop drinking, quit smoking, get organised, get fit or any of the other life changing things we promise ourselves we are going to do.

Oh, the things I tell myself I’ll do as soon as the new week starts.

But here’s the thing. Most of the time it doesn’t happen. Monday is a rubbish day to start anything. Most people don’t like Monday mornings, so you’re probably at a low ebb even before you start to make the change. You also see the whole week looming ahead of you and the thought of not being able to eat/drink/smoke/be lazy all week sounds really hard. If you really want to make a change, don’t put it off until Monday – start it today.

If you want to start the diet, throw all the junk food out NOW.

If you want to Stop drinking, poor all the alcohol away NOW.

If you want to quit Smoking, throw the cigarettes away NOW.

If you want to get Organised, grab a pile of whatever it is you need to organise and get on with it.

If you want to get fit, dust off that exercise DVD and get into your gym kit NOW.

What ever it is you want to start on Monday…

 DO IT NOW.

Even if you just make a small start then you have already started the ball rolling for next week – you’re not starting from scratch, you’re continuing – and that’s always easier than starting something for the first time. It’s often said that the first step is the hardest, so why not get that out of the way and feel good about it!

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Don’t believe everything you think

Have you ever been driving down the road and thought ‘what if I just turned the wheel and drove into oncoming traffic?’ or stood waiting for a train and thought ‘what if I just fell on the track as the train was coming?’ or been on a flight and thought ‘what if the plane crashes’ or something else just as bizarre…well if you have, you are not alone!

Most, if not all of us, have these random thoughts pop into our head.

Most of the time you will just dismiss them without even thinking about it – that’s good.

Sometimes we worry or obsess about them – that’s less good and is often where phobia’s and anxiety spring from.

Occasionally we may alter our behaviour because of them – that’s really not good, as this forms neurosis, O.C.D. and other mental health issues.

In Psychology these thoughts are often referred to as NATs or Negative Automatic Thoughts. There are many ways of dealing with these. The first is to recognise it for what it is, a random thought, not an absolute truth. CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) teaches ways to spot these thoughts and challenge their validity e.g. how likely is it that the plane will crash, given that there are thousands of flights in the air at any given moment, yet we very rarely hear of a plane crash.

There are then various ways of dealing with it. You can dismiss it as unrealistic, you can ignore it, you can try and stop yourself thinking about it (often with the use of a rubber band you keep round your wrist and ‘ping’ each time you recognise a NAT) or you can accept it.

Personally one of my favourite ways to deal with these NATs is to make fun of them. You can’t stop them popping in your head from time to time, and trying to is just as likely to make you think of them more (try not to think about elephants for the next 5 seconds – you weren’t thinking of them before, but now you can’t stop). J K Rowling uses a similar method in Harry Potter with the Riddikulus spell – the kids think of the thing they are most scared of and then make it ridiculous by casting the spell e.g. a spider with roller-skates slipping and sliding all over the place. It’s difficult to be scared of something you’re laughing at.

So, next time one of these thoughts pops into your head, see it for what is – just a random thought – and laugh at what a bizarre, wonderful brain you have that will come up with such peculiar things and remember you can’t believe everything you think 🙂

If you need a little help dealing with your NATs, you should speak to a professional who can help. CBT, NLP and Hypnotherapy are great tools to help you.

Check out www.hypnotherapycoventry.org for more information

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Holding on or on hold?

How many times have you been told to ‘Hold on’?

How many times have people said to you that they are ‘Hanging on in there’

We have a preference as humans to keep things the same. We don’t like change. The idea of a new chapter, a new job, a new direction, a new way of thinking is somehow saying that what we were doing was wrong, a failure, not quite good enough.

As a Hypnotherapist a lot of the clients I see are suffering from stress and anxiety. It can be anything from a general sense of upset, to full blown breakdowns. The thing that nearly all of these clients have in common is that they are holding on. They are holding on to some negative thought or emotion from something that has happened to them in the past. This thing can be small – a comment from a friend or relative (often a parent) or huge – the loss of a loved one or a terrible accident. The thing is it doesn’t seem to matter how big or small something is, if you can’t let go of it, it can become unbearable.

Imagine for a second that someone hands you a jar – just a normal sized jar that you might keep jam in. They ask you to hold it out at arms length – no problem you say. But they ask you to keep holding it. How long until your arm becomes heavy? How long before it becomes impossible? Often it’s not the size or weight of the issue, it’s how long you hold onto it for.

Psychologists use a list of things that cause stress called the Holmes and Rahe social readjustment scale. It starts at 11 with a minor violation of the law (e.g. a speeding ticket) and goes up to 100 with the death of a spouse. Contrary to popular belief, moving house isn’t very high on the scale (20) and Christmas only rates 12. The scale is used to give a score by adding up all the things that have happened in the last 12 months. A score of between 150 and 199 gives you a 33% chance of subsequent deterioration in health. A score of between 200 and 299 gives you a 50% chance. If you score above 300 there is a 79% chance that will be psychological and possible physical consequences.

So what does this mean for you if you’re the sort of person who holds on to things. The person that still remembers the bad things as if they happened only yesterday. Well, unfortunately your brain isn’t very good at deciding when the stress event happened, so if you are still thinking about it today, it may as well have happened today. That means that all those minor and major things that have happened to you are accumulating until you learn to let them go.

I really do mean let them go, not learn to accept them, not adjust to them, but LET THEM GO. Find the positive things that have come from them (if you struggle with this then at the very least they were a lesson that you can now take forward in life and be more understanding to those who may be in a similar position) see them for what they were, something that happened that you can no longer change. It’s time to leave them where they belong and LET THEM GO.

By doing this you can clean the slate. You can start fresh each day. You can live in the moment, not the past. You can be more free, more healthy and more happy.

I know that sometimes it seems impossible to let things go, but keep trying. There are certain tricks that can help you communicate with your subconscious mind to let it know that you don’t want to hang onto something any more. A simple one you can try at home is to visualize something that represents the issue you are having trouble letting go of. Then imagine putting it into a bubble that you hold out in front of you. When you can see it safely wrapped in the bubble give it a gentle shove, blow it away and watch it drift off into the distance in your minds eye. You may have to repeat this process several times, but stick with it, your subconscious will take the hint eventually.

For more direct action to help with this, see a professional. Counsellors, Therapists and my personal favourite, Hypnotists can all help you. Take responsibility for your mental and physical well-being and be healthy and happy x

oh and one last thing

LET IT GO!

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Should – one of the most unhelpful words in the English language

In my experience as a hypnotherapist, one of the most common things I help people to deal with, is feeling stressed or upset by something.

When they express this feeling to me the word ‘should’ is often part of the sentence…

..I should be able to cope with this

..I should be able to do this

..I should have said something

..I should have more willpower

..I should be able to manage

..I should be enjoying this

Well, who says so?

Is it your own expectation or what you think others expect of you?

Is that expectation realistic?

Is it helpful?

Quite often the expectation we have for ourselves is at best optimistic and at worse, doomed to failure. We expect so much of ourselves, holding us to the highest possible standard, so anything less than perfection equals failure. Look how upset some of the silver medalists were at the recent Olympics – they proved themselves to be amongst the best in the world, but it still wasn’t good enough.

If you are driven to be the best at whatever it is you are trying to do, that’s great. It can be a fantastic motivator during the tough times. But there are no medals in how you live your life. There’s no first place in dealing with a break up. No one is going to give you an award for how you manage with a new born baby. There is no competition for who will be able to cope with bereavement best. There isn’t a daily prize for the person best able deal with their cravings.

So start by giving yourself a break. Don’t hold yourself to a standard you wouldn’t expect of others – why do you have to be better than everyone else?

Second stop saying ‘I should’ or ‘I shouldn’t’. When you say this, even to yourself, what you’re really saying to your subconscious is ‘I’m failing to meet the required standard’. Wouldn’t it be better if you said ‘I would like to….’ ?

..I would like to be able to cope with this

..I would like to be able to do this

..I would like to have said something

..I would like to have more willpower

..I would like to be able to manage

..I would like to be enjoying this

This gives your subconscious mind a goal to work towards. This is something you can learn to do. This leads to growth rather than failure.

Finally, tell yourself that today you will be kind to yourself. Listen to that little voice in your head and every time it says ‘should’ change the sentence to ‘would like to’ and choose to grow rather than fail.

 

If you are in the Coventry area and would like to have a chat with me about how I could help You with this or any other issues, please give me a call on 07429 749936 or email me at talktherapies@gmail.com.

I look forward to talking to you.

Sue Griffin @ Talk Therapies       www.facebook.com/TalkTherapies

http://www.talktherapies.co.uk

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