Self Care Advent Calendar Day 7

One week in and where are we? Well hopefully you’re up, clean and dressed, well fed, you’ve been outside, you’ve cleaned up, made a plan and even started decorating…and maybe feeling pretty good about it?

So how are we ending out first week of Self Care?

How about tapping into your creativity.

Now, creativity is a double edged sword. On one hand it can create beautiful, imaginative, original things. On the other hand, it can create catastrophic thoughts and stories of doom and gloom.

Overthinking is a form of creativity – but it’s not one that I think you should be focusing on, so let’s harness that creative spark in other ways. Some are blessed with talent. Some are naturally creative. Some are not. It doesn’t matter – you can still flex that creativity muscle and get some benefit from it.

Do you write Music or Play an instrument? – Write a song

Do you Paint? – Paint a portrait or landscape that you love

Do you Bake? – Make a cake to give to a homeless shelter/ neighbour / friend (or just eat it yourself)

Do you Cook? – Create a 3 course menu for a special occasion and try it out

Do you Knit? – Knit some bobble hats for a charity shop

Do you Sew? – Make an outfit or if you sew like I do, a napkin.

Do you Write? – blog, write a short story, send a card

Do you Vlog? – Do a vlog to help someone

Do you Draw? – Create some illustrations

Do you Sing? – Record a new version of your favourite song

Can’t do any of those things? That’s OK there’s still plenty you can do. Put together a new outfit, decorate a room, put together a mood board, do some papier-mâché, colour in a picture, decoupage, finger paints, modelling clay…..whatever you fancy. Just play and make something. It doesn’t have to be good. You don’t have to show anyone. Just be creative in a good way rather than a negative one.

As I said, over-thinking, catastrophizing and worrying are just ways of using your creativity and your imagination in an unhelpful way. When you catch yourself doing it, try to redirect your creative impulse into something better. If you feel like you really need to spend some time worrying, try to designate a set period of time in which to to do all of your worrying. Think you can get it all out of the way in 10 minutes? Give yourself 15 – but not a minute more. It can take a little practice for the continual worriers out there, but keep practising – you’ll get on top of it.

---

As a Hypnotherapist I see a lot of people with anxiety and depression.  Anxiety is often caused by a misdirected creative impulse that people can’t curb. If you find yourself in a situation like that, please get help as soon as possible. Not only is it unnecessary for you to suffer with this, it’s important to get help sooner rather than later. Although it is Never too late to change, it’s easier when it hasn’t become normal behaviour.

 

 

 

My Happy Jar

This is the latest post about my Happy Jar. It’s been a little while since I posted an update on this, but don’t worry there’s still plenty going in the jar 🙂

The Happy Jar is a way to look back and remember all the little things that make us happy.

The idea came from a nice story I once heard about a woman who had a jar. Every time she thought of something that made her happy, she would jot it down on a piece of paper and put it in the jar. Whenever she felt down, or fed up, she would go to her jar and find all the things that made her happy. Some things were big things, events that happened that she could look back on and smile, but most were little things that she could cherish and maybe even recreate to make her feel better.

So here are a few things from my Happy Jar this month.

A pink sunrise (yes I know, red sky in the morning – shepherds warning, but it’s still pretty)

Catching up with old friends at a house warming

Seeing friends happy – on a new journey, full of excitement and anticipation.

Fresh Blueberries in my porridge for breakfast.

A gift to myself being delivered.

The smell of freshly cut grass after it has rained.

Seeing my old dog act like a puppy when she finds a new walk.

Listening to an album I haven’t played in years (and still remembering the words).

Sprouting seeds.

Finding an old friend on social media.

Getting my nerd on with a friend.

Finding out that some amazing shoes I want actually come in my size (I’m 6ft tall and have size 9 feet)

Getting great feedback from a post

Getting caught in the rain and running for cover (then getting home and dry!)

Rediscovering a joy in drawing.

I know none of these things are amazing, there is nothing earth shattering about them, but all of them have made me smile and brought a least a little joy to my soul.

What will you put in your happy jar this month?

Everyone said

Here’s my weekly poem – I hope you enjoy it

It Couldn’t Be Done

BY EDGAR ALBERT GUEST

Somebody said that it couldn’t be done

      But he with a chuckle replied

That “maybe it couldn’t,” but he would be one

      Who wouldn’t say so till he’d tried.

So he buckled right in with the trace of a grin

      On his face. If he worried he hid it.

He started to sing as he tackled the thing

      That couldn’t be done, and he did it!

Somebody scoffed: “Oh, you’ll never do that;

      At least no one ever has done it;”

But he took off his coat and he took off his hat

      And the first thing we knew he’d begun it.

With a lift of his chin and a bit of a grin,

      Without any doubting or quiddit,

He started to sing as he tackled the thing

      That couldn’t be done, and he did it.

There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done,

      There are thousands to prophesy failure,

There are thousands to point out to you one by one,

      The dangers that wait to assail you.

But just buckle in with a bit of a grin,

      Just take off your coat and go to it;

Just start in to sing as you tackle the thing

      That “cannot be done,” and you’ll do it.

How to stop thinking

Have you ever had a thought that just won’t go away?

Maybe it’s the thought that something is going to happen, or not going to happen.

Maybe it’s the thought of needing to do something that you don’t really want to do.

Maybe it’s an argument that you keep playing over and over again in your head.

Whatever it is there are some tricks that are worth knowing if you really want to get the thought out of your head.

Just get on with it.

Our brains have this annoying habit of not letting go of something that has been left incomplete. Various studies have shown this to be true, and it is a technique hypnotists, like myself, use to get you to remember something in your subconscious. Once the task has been completed our brains file it as done and forget about it. So, if you have a nagging thought about doing your taxes, cleaning the loft, having a conversation with someone – just do it!

Stop thinking of Pink Elephants.

Ok, so if I tell you to not think of a pink elephant, the first thing your brain does is bring up the idea of a pink elephant. It has then failed to NOT think of a pink elephant, so it will then keep reminding you of it (see the above point). You can complete the action by deciding that you want to think about pink elephants for a minute. When the minute is up, you have completed the task and your brain can file it as done – no more pink elephants!

Plan to think about Pink Elephants.

If you can’t think about Pink Elephants now (or whatever it is you don’t want to think about) make a decision to think about Pink Elephants at a certain time. Write it down, schedule it in. Your brain can now file this under another heading – it’s not done yet, but you know when it will be, so you can stop thinking about it.

Do something that takes ALL of your concentration.

Your brain is amazing, but it can’t do too many things at once – not even if you’re a girl! By doing a task that really takes concentration you will forget about the pink elephants.

Talk about the Pink Elephants.

Talk about them, write about them, sing about them, draw pictures of them. Make use of friends, family, religious leaders, doctors, psychiatrists, counsellors, therapists, bar tenders, co-workers, the woman who serves you at the supermarket, the guy who delivers your Pizza – who ever and where ever you can, go on about the Pink Elephants until even you’re so bored of them that you don’t want to think about them any more.

Self Hypnosis

I wrote a post a while ago called let it go with hypnosis – check it out! It’s a really useful technique to get an unwanted thought out of your head – what have you got to lose?

And if all else fails, maybe you should try a little professional help – It’s what I’m here for!

Why Worry?

Why worry?

Does it change anything?

Does it make you feel better?

Does it make other people feel better?

Does it help?

Can you stop it?

If the answer is No – Maybe this will help.

Not Perfect

For when you’re feeling a little less than perfect…

Go with the Flow

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” – Lao-Tzu 

I was reminded of this a few days ago when I was looking through my feed and saw a post from Optimistic Kid with this quote, and it got me to thinking – what do we need to do in order to be able to go with the flow?

Firstly you have to Realize that you can’t control everything. Bad hair days were sent to remind us of this fact. Then you need to Notice when you are becoming frustrated with something you cannot control. Once you are aware of it take a few seconds to just Breath and relax. It’s then worth asking yourself a question ‘will I care about this in a week, a month or a year?’ If the answer is no, is it really worth getting upset about now? This might seem simple enough, but it takes practise to get good at it and you might have to do it consciously at first, until it becomes habit and just happens naturally. As you get better at it you may find that you laugh at situations that would previously have ruined your day, and as you accept that you don’t control everything you will also see that you can’t control what other people think or do and you may notice yourself becoming more understanding of their imperfections as well as your own. All of these things help us to accept change when it comes along and that is basically what we mean when we say – go with the flow.

It is said ‘What you resist, persists’ so “Flow with whatever is happening and let your mind be free. Stay centered by accepting whatever you are doing. This is the ultimate.” – Chuang Tzu

Wishing you a peaceful and harmonious week  🙂

Procrastinate Now – Panic Later

Are you a procrastinator?

Why?

Have you convinced yourself it’s because you work better under pressure?

Or, do you secretly hope that if you ignore it for long enough it will go away?

Or, maybe you just can’t find the motivation to do it until you absolutely have to….

Some people find that having a to do list helps them achieve things through out the day. They get an enormous sense of satisfaction when the tick each item off their list. For those people may I suggest that you start each list with

1. Write a to do list

2. Tick off the first item.

That way you’ll give yourself 2 ticks and be thrilled and motivated before you even get going.

Other people hate these lists – they feel like a burden – and it’s just so annoying when you get to the end of the day and there are still things left on the list. For those people may I suggest keeping your to do list down to only 3 things. If there are other things that you would like to do, out them on your ‘I would like to do list’.

Some people find the whole ‘to do’ thing too frustrating.

For those people, why not try a ‘Done List’ Instead of writing down things that you need to do, write down the things that you have done. Instead of having a list of things that you need to do, you have a list of achievements that you can feel proud of.

When it comes to motivation, one size does not fit all, so find out what works for you.

Reward yourself for the things you accomplish.

Celebrate your success.

Get on with it.

🙂

You’re not Perfect – and that’s OK

In the UK it’s the time of year that the A level results are released. Some 18 year olds will be thrilled that they have the grades they wanted to go to University, or to go for a course they wanted to do. Others will be devastated. They believe that their life is over.

They are wrong

Depression has been a hot topic of news this week because of the sad loss of Robin Williams. Some people seem to be angry or disappointed in him because he couldn’t stand to be alive any more. Some people are taking their pain out on those close to him, blaming them for not doing more.

They are wrong

Some people are beating themselves up for not being better, doing better, trying harder, working more….

…….for not being perfect

They are wrong

I’m not saying you shouldn’t try to do your best – Of course you should. You should try and be the best person you can be each and every day of your life. But you should also forgive yourself when you fail to achieve these goals sometimes.

Nobody is perfect – and you’re not Nobody!

So, give yourself (and those around you) a break. We all make mistakes, we all fall down, we are all a little broken. If you come across someone who is a little bit more broken than others, show them a little more care, give them a little more help, a little more latitude – even if that person is yourself.

Why Normal People Worry Me

Normal people worry me. They make me a little uncomfortable, let me explain.

I don’t believe many people are ‘normal’ and if they are that kind of makes them a bit abnormal in itself. However, a lot of people pretend to be normal and these are the one that worry me.

Firstly they worry me because I’m afraid that they are not being honest to themselves. They are repressing all their weird little quirks and foibles – the things that make us interesting and unique. Repressed thoughts and feeling often have a way of growing and developing into something darker, less healthy and much more worrying. They impact on peoples psyches and create serious behavioural problems.

Secondly they worry me because if they are being honest with themselves then they are not being honest with me. Psychologists recognise the fact that people who are portraying one thing and feeling another cause discomfort and distrust in those around them. They say that we are picking up on their incongruence – the fact that the inside doesn’t match the outside.

Thirdly I have found (and I am generalising here) that on the whole people who consider themselves ‘normal’ tend to be a bit ‘judgey’ on those who are more comfortable with their inner freak. They tend to lack empathy and understanding that we don’t all have to come from the same mould in order to be happy, healthy valuable members of society.

Lastly they tend (here I go generalising again) to be a bit dull. This dullness combined with a tendency to judge can take the wind out of the most creative and fun souls, leaving the world a greyer place.

So if we ever get to meet, don’t try to pass yourself off as normal.

Let your Freak flag fly.

I’ll be waving mine too.