What causes Stress? – Environment or how we handle it?

Have you ever noticed that some people can get stressed out over the slightest thing, whilst other people can seem to thrive in really high pressure environments?

Yet we still hear people say that they were in a stressful job, or a stressful situation.

Now don’t get me wrong, certain circumstances and issues can be difficult to deal with, but it’s how we deal with them that either gives us stress or doesn’t.

One of the common causes of stress is around control issues.

If you are trying to manage and control every aspect of a situation, and feel responsible for all the outcomes and how it will effect all parties involved you will undoubtedly be feeling the stress. One of the biggest lessons we all have to learn if we want to eliminate stress from our lives, is that we have little, if any, control over what happens.

Let me say that again – we have little, if any, control over what happens.

A lot of people are going to disagree with that statement. so let me add a little more to it.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t prepare/train/practice – of course you should, that’s how you get good at things.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t try to avoid dangerous risks – of course you should, if you want to live a long and healthy life.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t plan – of course you should, otherwise you will be met by unexpected problems at every turn.

What I’m saying is, after you’ve practised, planned and assessed your risks, you have to let go.

There is always a certain amount of rolling with the punches, things will go wrong and people will be unpredictable – and that’s OK.

If you’re someone who feels a lot of stress – here are a couple of tips which may help you to manage it better.

1. Plan, prepare, practice.

Get yourself ready for what ever the situation is that you are stressed about.

2. Breathe

Being stressed and uptight will not help you to make good decisions. Take a minute or two to breathe – slowly and steadily, making sure your out breath is always longer than your in breath. Some people like to count to 7 on each in breath and count to 11 on each out breath – personally I prefer to breathe in as normal and then blow the air out slowly through pursed lips to control my breathing. This simple act changes your body chemistry and allows you to feel calmer and more relaxed.

3. Ask yourself – What is the worst that could happen?

Unless you are in very unusual circumstances the situation you are in will not be life and death. If something goes wrong – so what? It may not be ideal, but it’s probably not worth giving yourself a heart attack over! You know what -even if it is life and death, you can still remind yourself that you are doing the best you can – and nobody can ask more of you than that.

4. Imagine it’s a year from now – do you still care about whatever it is you are stressing over?

If the answer is no, it’s probably not worth worrying about now either.

Stress is a killer – avoid it where you can. If you struggle with this on your own, consider seeking some help – it’s definitely worth it!

The Sorting Song – a Sunday poem

In honour of my trip to Hogwarts, this Sunday’s poem is one of the songs of the sorting hat.

A thousand years or more ago
When I was newly sewn,
There lived four wizards of renown,
Whose names are still well known:

Bold Gryffindor, from wild moor,
Fair Ravenclaw, from glen,
Sweet Hufflepuff, from valley broad,
Shrewd Slytherin, from fen.

They shared a wish, a hope, a dream,
They hatched a daring plan
To educate young sorcerers
Thus Hogwarts School began.

Now each of these four founders
Formed their own house, for each
Did value different virtues
In the ones they had to teach.

By Gryffindor, the bravest were
Prized far beyond the rest;
For Ravenclaw, the cleverest
Would always be the best;

For Hufflepuff, hard workers were
Most worthy of admission;
And power-hungry Slytherin
Loved those of great ambition.

While still alive they did divide
Their favourites from the throng,
Yet how to pick the worthy ones
When they were dead and gone?

——

Which house do you belong to?

I wonder which one would be into hypnosis?

Be nice to yourself.

I was with a client yesterday who told me that they were annoyed with themselves for not having done hypnotherapy earlier.

It’s something I hear quite a lot.

I felt the same way when I gave up smoking.

I was incredibly pleased with what I had done, but then became annoyed that I had smoked for 17 years.

Personally I believe the skills hypnotherapy teaches should be taught at school.

But they’re not.

Don’t focus on what you’ve struggled with before, be happy how easy it will be in the future.

Have a great day.

🙂

Smell to get ahead

Smells and emotions are closely linked and we can use this to help us to feel the way we would like to feel, and to achieve the things we want to achieve….here’s how

Can you think of a smell you associate with being on holiday?

For me it’s the smell of baking cookies from Main Street in Disney and it makes me feel excited.

Can you think of a smell you associate with being at school?

For me it’s chalk and it makes me feel focussed.

Can you think of a smell you associate with being at the dentist?

For me it’s antiseptic and it makes me feel anxious.

Can you think of a smell you associate with being with your Grandmother?

For me it’s fruit cake and it makes me feel safe.

So. think of a situation that made you feel the way that you want to feel, and then think of the smells that you associate with it. Then surround yourself with that fragrance. It really is that simple.

You can also create scent associations that are useful to get you into the right head space.

Whenever I see clients I always use the same perfume. It creates the right associations for me and I have also had feedback from some clients that they start to feel more relaxed whenever they come across that scent.

When ever I blog, I spray the room with a scent called Karma from LUSH – it helps me to feel creative and focussed into writing.

When I meditate, I always light a vanilla candle, and now the smell of vanilla always helps to calm me.

You can use this trick for all sorts of things, from revising for an exam to sitting a driving test. Just make sure that you use the scent every time you are practising or revising and then use it in the exam to help bring back all the facts and focus.

Remembrance Sunday Poem DULCE ET DECORUM EST

DULCE ET DECORUM EST

Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs
And towards our distant rest began to trudge.
Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
Of tired, outstripped Five-Nines that dropped behind.
Gas! Gas! Quick, boys! – An ecstasy of fumbling,
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time;
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling,
And flound’ring like a man in fire or lime . . .
Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light,
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.
In all my dreams, before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.
If in some smothering dreams you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil’s sick of sin;
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie; Dulce et Decorum est
Pro patria mori.

Wilfred Owen

---

DULCE ET DECORUM EST  are the first words of a Latin saying (taken from an ode by Horace). The words were widely understood and often quoted at the start of the First World War. They mean “It is sweet and right.” The full saying ends the poem: Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori – it is sweet and right to die for your country. In other words, it is a wonderful and great honour to fight and die for your country.

Positive Post-it Day

As you know I like to post good news stories on Fridays – I think we all need to focus on something wonderful at least once a week. This week I want to highlight the story of Caitlin. She was bullied at school and on facebook. She took this horrible experience and did something powerful and positive with it. This is a quote from her facebook page. 

“After being bullied in my school, I saw this idea on Pintrest about a school in the States who put Post Its all over there school and I decided that I wanted to take that stand against bullying as well. I bought over 800 post-it notes, wrote positive messages on them, and put them all over the school. My entire community, especially the Airdrie Moms, rallied together to make October 9th “Positive Post-It Day.” This community helped support and all cooperated together to make this day a huge success. A nationally celebrated day, we are preparing to continue the idea and post-it the world next year during the first Monday in October! This is a free way to show people you truly care about them! If you wish to donate, please feel free to donate to your local bulling initiatives.”

Don’t wait until next October – write down some positive things on some post it notes and leave them around your school, work, doctors office, bus stop, shop window – wherever you think people might need to feel a little better x

Here are some of the previous Friday good news stories you might like to visit

Magnificent Malala

That Friday Feeling

Lessons from an elephant with a blue ribbon

Do you bully yourself?

When you speak to yourself, are you a bully or a friend?

Most people don’t like to think of themselves as a bully, but when they start listening to their inner voice, they can begin to notice how mean they are to themselves.

Most of the damage to our self-esteem is self-inflicted.

Unfortunately, we often respond to rejections and failures by becoming self-critical, listing all our faults and short-comings, calling ourselves names, and basically kicking ourselves when we’re already down. We also tell ourselves that we’re ‘not good enough’, that we ‘always mess things up’ or that we are ‘just too lazy and have no self control’. If we had somebody in our lives who spoke to us like that we would hate them and wonder why they kept picking on us. We then use ridiculous justifications to justify the way we speak to ourselves, the way we damage our self-esteem when it is already hurting—“I deserve it,” “It will keep me humble,” “It’s a way to keep my expectations low, or “It’s true; I hate myself!”

If there’s one “program” we could all start that would do wonders for our self-esteem, it’s abolishing needless self-criticism and punitive self-talk – it’s one of the most effective forms of self hypnosis and it’s free!

Try it today – If you hear your inner bully rearing it’s ugly head, see it for what it is, tell it to be nice and get your inner cheer leader out to give you a boost instead.