Quit Smoking Day 8 March 2017

Hello you beautiful people!

Hands up if you’re a smoker….

Wow, that sucks for you. I know because I was a smoker for 17 years.

Let me list some of the many reasons it sucks…

1. It’s seriously bad for your health – I mean seriously bad. Not only is it likely to shorten your life significantly, but it will also reduce your quality of life. Reduced blood flow can cause blindness, teeth falling out, amputation and stroke. Lung problems are almost a given and heart disease and cancer are likely. But you knew all of that right – I mean it’s not like you live under a rock.
2. It’s expensive – now I’m all for spending your money on things you enjoy, but seriously, how much do you enjoy smoking? Work out how much you spend on smoking a week, then multiply that by 52. Chances are you are looking at thousands.
3. You are constantly restricted. You can’t smoke here, you can’t smoke there. You are always being told where you can and can’t smoke.
4. If you smoke in public, people are silently judging you all the time.
5. You will occasionally have to go longer than you are comfortable with without smoking. Maybe it’s at work, maybe a friends home, maybe a flight, but there will be times that you cannot smoke for one reason or another and it will cause you stress, anxiety and discomfort.
6. You kind of smell bad – all the time.
7. The people that love you worry about you constantly
8. If you have kids in your life they are learning from you. You are teaching them that smoking is a positive thing. Even if you tell them constantly that it isn’t they learn from your example far more than what you say. They see you smoke when you are stressed – they learn that smoking is good to calm you down.
9. You are always thinking about whether you have enough cigarettes/tobacco. Do you need to make another trip to the shops? Will you have enough for the next day?
10. Your self respect is not where it could be – trust me when I say, I have never felt prouder or more capable than the moment I realised I had quit smoking forever!

I could go on and on but I think you get the idea.

Now for the good news – You can be free from this crappy habit.

It is entirely possible for you to decide today that you will never smoke again and do it. It’s literally that simple. You will go through a couple of days of feeling a bit awkward, feel itchy and unconfortable and maybe have a short temper. So what. That might sound a bit tough, but that’s all you need to go through – a couple of days of feeling unconfortable. No pain, No agony, No awful consequences. After 2 days the nicotine will be out of your system and if you decide to never put it back in again, you will slowly but surely feel better and better. It will get easier and easier. Within a couple of weeks you will have got rid of the habit too and will think about it less and less.

Quitting smoking is easy. You just don’t put another cigarette it in you mouth.

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I tried to quit smoking for years – unsuccesfully. It wasn’t until I tried hypnosis that it all fell into place. If you want some help getting free of the evil weed, give me a call.

How to be kind to yourself

February is heart awareness month and as I wrote yesterday, I’m focussing on the relationship side of this subject.

I strongly believe that you will not have the best relationships you can if you don’t have a good relationship with yourself, and unfortunately, it’s one of the hardest ones to get right as we don’t get good feedback on it.

Some people are too hard on themselves – way harder than they are on other people. They persistently tell themselves that they aren’t good enough, that they’re stupid, that they’re lazy, that they don’t work hard enough, that they’re not pretty enough, that they’re fat, that they’re ugly. Can you imagine if you spoke like that to another person? I think, at the very least, you could expect them not to want to hang around with you.  Why would you spend time with someone who constantly abuses you?

Some people don’t care enough for themselves. As a hypnotherapist I see people all the time who smoke, who are overweight, who don’t exercise. When I ask them how they would feel if their kids smoked, ate rubbish or didn’t do any exercise they are horrified. They want the best for them, but don’t appear to want the best for themselves….

Some people don’t protect themselves. They take stupid risks with their health. They starve themselves, or dramatically overeat. They take drugs. They put themselves in dangerous situations. Again, they would be really upset to think of someone they loved in that situation, but it’s OK for them….does that mean they don’t love themselves?

So how do you build a relationship with yourself?

Easy – the same way as with anyone else.

Start by being interested. Question yourself and your motives. Find out what is really important to you. Help yourself to achieve that.

Support yourself. Be kind, be understanding, but also be challenging. Stretch yourself without being mean to yourself.

Be a good friend to yourself. You can be your own inner bully or your own cheerleader. Think about what can go right, how brilliant things can be.

Stop being a hater. Don’t hate yourself – ever. Not any part of yourself. Hate is a horrible, destructive emotion and it doesn’t help anyone. I don’t care if you don’t love your thighs, or you skin. I don’t care if you don’t like the way you react in certain situations. I don’t care if you aren’t thrilled with your weight. Work out how to change it, but don’t hate it.

I believe that when you get this stuff right you attract people to you. Self confidence is attractive. That means you draw people towards you who enhance your life. It also means that you don’t need people to complete you so you stop hanging on to people who don’t add anything to your life.

So, whatever your relationship status, spend a little time thinking about your relationship with yourself. Are you being a good friend? How can you be better? What changes are you going to make? What positive effects could that have?

As ever, I would love to know your thoughts on this – why not drop me a comment?

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Self Care Advent Calendar Day 9

Welcome my lovely troupe. We are currently ho ho ho ing our way through December and spending each day making sure we survive (and maybe even thrive) during the festive season.

A few of the previous posts have focused on creativity. Making things, making habits, making plans etc. So today, I want to flip that on it’s head and think about destroying something.

How can destroying something be a an act of self care? By destroying something that is negative.

We all have bad habits. Go on, admit it – you do too.

They might be habits that have a bad effect on our health, like smoking, drinking or eating junk food.

They might be habits that have a bad effect on our mental health, like worrying, putting ourselves down or listening to that negative voice.

They might be habits that have a bad effect on our relationships, like gossiping, ignoring phone calls or taking people for granted.

You get the idea.

Generally I prefer to work on creating positive habits, but breaking negative ones can be just as important. It’s difficult to lift yourself up if you are constantly being dragged back down by your behaviour.

You may think that it’s too difficult to change your bad habits – particularly if that habit is addictive – but it is possible to do it.

One of the ways I help people to change negative habits is to help them frame it positively in their mind. Let’s take smoking for example. It is more difficult to quit smoking than it is to be smoke free. Quitting has lots of negative connotations. Losers quit. I’m no quitter. What will I be missing out on? Freedom has lots of positive connotations. Free, costs nothing, escaping, choices. Just a simple word change can make the whole process so much easier.

Another way to make things easier is to think about what you will gain rather than what you will lose. Taking smoking as an example again. What will you gain by being smoke free? Peace of mind that you’re not actively causing health problems? A load of money? Fresher breath? Not having to worry about where you will be able to smoke? Not needing to think if you have enough cigarettes to see you through. What will you lose? Nothing? An addiction? Cravings (non smokers never crave a cigarette)?

As you may be able to tell from the fact that I’ve used smoking as the example, I think this is the number one habit people should be working on being free from, but you should work on what is important to you.

Make the changes you want to in your life – Imagine how fantastic you will feel a year from now when you look back at today – the day you made your life better.

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Many people struggle with breaking habits on their own. If you’ve tried and failed, don’t worry. It doesn’t mean you can’t do it, it just means that you could do with a little help. The good news is Hypnotherapy is a great tool to help you to be free from those unwanted behaviours. If you want to ‘quit smoking‘ but struggle on your own, get the help you need.

How to influence people

My Job is to influence people.

I’m a Hypnotherapist and people pay me to influence the way they think and feel, so I’ve learned a few tricks along the way.

One of the least successful methods to get anyone to change is to tell them to, yet that seems to be what most people do most of the time.

Another thing people think will work is to explain things to people. They believe that if the other person just understands that what they are thinking/doing is wrong then they will change their behaviour. Unfortunately, this rarely works either. Take smoking for instance. We all know that smoking is damaging to us, and that we are likely to suffer ill health if we do it, yet there are still millions of smokers in the world. Telling them so stop doesn’t work. Explaining that it is bad for them doesn’t work. So what does?

Generally speaking, the best way of influencing someone (who isn’t hypnotised) is by leading by example.

If someone has a phobia of spiders there is a pretty good chance they were influenced into this way of thinking by someone close to them who was also scared of spiders. They saw this person freak out and subconsciously decided that this was a good way to react. Conversely if a person with an existing phobia is surrounded by people who are calm and relaxed around spiders, they may start to feel more relaxed themselves.

I had a client the other day who desperately wanted their partner to come for a hypnotherapy session with me. The partner was adamant that it wasn’t for them and refused point blank to even think about it. So my client booked 3 sessions with me to work on an issue she had. She went home after each session and told her partner how good it was making her feel and how much she was gaining from it. By the third session, he was asking if he could take her place.

When I was 11 years old I was told by a headmaster that the best piece of advice he could give me was to choose my friends wisely. It was a great piece of advice. Not only have my friends helped me through some difficult times and made good times better, but they have also influenced me. They have shaped my ideas and beliefs, they have led by example and I have learned so much from them. If I had chosen other friends, who knows where my life would have taken me. My advice to you would be to choose friends you respect. Choose friends you care about. Choose friends you want to be like.

If you want to influence someone be the example. Be their friend and show them by your words and more importantly your actions how good life can be. Show them what it is to be strong, caring, committed, healthy, reliable, responsible, fun, interesting and non judgemental. It may take some time, but you will be amazed at the impact it can have.

Everyone said

Here’s my weekly poem – I hope you enjoy it

It Couldn’t Be Done

BY EDGAR ALBERT GUEST

Somebody said that it couldn’t be done

      But he with a chuckle replied

That “maybe it couldn’t,” but he would be one

      Who wouldn’t say so till he’d tried.

So he buckled right in with the trace of a grin

      On his face. If he worried he hid it.

He started to sing as he tackled the thing

      That couldn’t be done, and he did it!

Somebody scoffed: “Oh, you’ll never do that;

      At least no one ever has done it;”

But he took off his coat and he took off his hat

      And the first thing we knew he’d begun it.

With a lift of his chin and a bit of a grin,

      Without any doubting or quiddit,

He started to sing as he tackled the thing

      That couldn’t be done, and he did it.

There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done,

      There are thousands to prophesy failure,

There are thousands to point out to you one by one,

      The dangers that wait to assail you.

But just buckle in with a bit of a grin,

      Just take off your coat and go to it;

Just start in to sing as you tackle the thing

      That “cannot be done,” and you’ll do it.

Be nice to yourself.

I was with a client yesterday who told me that they were annoyed with themselves for not having done hypnotherapy earlier.

It’s something I hear quite a lot.

I felt the same way when I gave up smoking.

I was incredibly pleased with what I had done, but then became annoyed that I had smoked for 17 years.

Personally I believe the skills hypnotherapy teaches should be taught at school.

But they’re not.

Don’t focus on what you’ve struggled with before, be happy how easy it will be in the future.

Have a great day.

🙂

New Years resolutions – start now!

How have you done on your New years resolutions for 2014?

Are you making any for 2015?

Why wait for January?

We are entering into an unusual time of the year. December and everything associated with Christmas is a time that is a little outside the normal way of things. There are more parties, more food and drink, more time with families, more opportunities to have time away from work. All of these things can either help, or get in the way of, all of the resolutions detailed above.

The choice is yours.

The thing to remember is that when you made this resolution, or when you have been thinking about starting it in January, you have made the decision that this is something you want to achieve – something you want in your life.

Why wait?

If you’re thinking about the idea that December is your last blow out before you start your change, I would question your commitment to changing.

If you really want to lose weight, why spend December putting on more weight to lose in January?

If you really want to give up smoking why spend December risking your health for another month?

If you really want to quit drinking, why spend December with a hangover and an abused liver?

If you really want to get out of debt why spend December getting yourself into a worse position?

If you really want to get fit. why spend December sitting on the sofa eating mince pies and making it harder to start in January?

January is a bit depressing. All the parties are over, all the presents are unwrapped, the weather is rubbish and there’s nothing to look forward to for ages….so why would you want to make a change in your life at a time when you are already struggling? Do it at a good time – like NOW!

There is also the pressure of everyone starting their new years resolutions in January. How great would you feel when people are going on about how much weight they have to lose, and how much they put on over Christmas, if you could say that you had already lost half a stone and were feeling amazing?

If you have struggled to make the changes you wanted to this year, maybe it’s time to think about getting professional help. It’s OK to want a helping hand to make a change in your life. The important thing is that you make the changes you want to so that you can be as happy and fulfilled as possible. I think Hypnosis is a great way of getting that support, but there are lots of people ready and waiting to help you – slimming groups, personal trainers, volunteer groups, debt counsellors, life coaches etc etc, so don’t think you have to do it all on your own.

What ever you want to achieve to make your life better, think about what’s stopping you.

Remember

Don’t give up what you really want for something you just want now.

Quitting Smoking is Easy

“Quitting smoking is easy – I’ve done it thousands of times” – Mark Twain

In the UK the powers that be have decided to run a campaign to help people to stop smoking. They call it Stoptober.

As a Hypnotherapist I have helped lots of people become smoke free – and that’s how I like to refer to it – becoming smoke free. When you stop or give up something, there is a feeling of loss. When you are free from something, there is a feeling of relief.

I became smoke free after smoking for 17 years.

I had tried to stop smoking before that, but had always failed. I tried nicotine replacement with gums, and patches and even electronic vapes, but I always felt like it was a poor substitute for an actual cigarette.

You know why? – because it was.

I was still feeding my body with this pernicious drug, but not in the way it wanted it. By drip feeding it nicotine, I was keeping it hooked, but never satisfying it.

I used to think ‘If I could just have a cigarette I would feel so much better because I would get rid of the cravings’.

This was wrong – having a cigarette, or any kind of nicotine, is the only way to keep the cravings in place. You’re never getting rid of them, you’re just postponing them for a bit.

The only way to get rid of cravings is to not have any of the drug.

When I went cold turkey – no nicotine at all – it took 2 days for the drug to leave my system. I had done some work with hypnosis and so this was fairly easy to deal with. It was no worse than feeling a bit hungry. Honestly – that was as bad as it got. Then, 2 short days later, I was free.

Forever.

I cannot explain how good that makes me feel. Not only do I feel like I’ve conquered something that had tripped me up for years, but I also feel like I’ve taken control of a part of my life that I had felt was lost to me. I feel more positive about my health, I have more money and I no longer stink the place out!

I’m not here to tell you to quit smoking – only you can decide when it’s the right time for you.

I just want you to know that it’s going to be a lot easier than you think – especially if you get the right help.

Therapy – Disney Style

The Bare Necessities From “The Jungle Book” composed by Terry Gilkyson is as good as any philosophy when it comes to breaking addiction.

The final verse..

And don’t spend your time lookin’ around
For something you want that can’t be found
When you find out you can live without it
And go along not thinkin’ about it
I’ll tell you something true

The bare necessities of life will come to you

I heard this song not long after I quit smoking and it struck me as an absolute truth. The moment you stop thinking about it, is the moment you are free. I had quit smoking several times before and had always seen it as a massive challenge. Every day was my own personal battle to beat my cravings. The longest I had ever managed before was about 3 months and always with the help of some sort of nicotine replacement. I had tried chewing gum, patches, inhilators, ecigs and lozenges. All of them were pretty disgusting to start with, but I persevered as it was the only way for me to get my nicotine fix.

As time went on and I tried to wean myself off this replacement, it could go one of two ways. Sometimes I would find it hard and then I would think it was all pointless and start smoking again and sometimes it I would find it relatively easy and I would think, well, that was OK, I could probably just have one cigarette….and I would start smoking again.

So, what changed?

Well, I had pretty much given up giving up. I figured I was just too weak willed and I was stuck with it. I was studying hypnotherapy with a group of people and one of the things we learned was how to help people quit smoking. There were two of us in the group who smoked and so, obviously, everyone wanted to try their therapy skills on us. I kept telling them I was a lousy subject, as I didn’t really want to quit – I had come to terms with the fact that I was going to be a smoker for the rest of my life, but this didn’t deter them. After several days of inductions and therapies I took some pleasure in going out at every break and lighting up. The course ended and everyone went home.

About 2 weeks or so later I started working on a programme that I could use as a therapist to help people who wanted to quit. The more I read about it and the more I wrote, the more I realised that I really didn’t want to smoke any more, so I stopped. As simple as that. The combination of the therapy I had received along with my own personal decision to stop was all it took.

No nicotine replacement, No struggle. I just stopped.

The significant difference between this and all the other times I had tried, was that I just wasn’t thinking about it.

All the the hypnotic suggestions that had been given to me had changed my subconscious enough to stop me dwelling on it. And so I go back to my little Disney ditty..

When you find out you can live without it
And go along not thinkin’ about it
I’ll tell you something true

The bare necessities of life will come to you.

If you are suffering from addiction of any kind, cigarettes, food, drugs, sex, gambling, shopping….or anything else you feel you can’t live without my advice to you is Don’t give up giving up, just try something new. Maybe Hypnotherapy will work as well for you as it did for me.

Sunday Dreams

Do you ever sit there on a Sunday and think ‘Right, Tomorrow is when it all begins!’

Monday is the day you decide to make the change, whether it’s to start the diet, stop drinking, quit smoking, get organised, get fit or any of the other life changing things we promise ourselves we are going to do.

Oh, the things I tell myself I’ll do as soon as the new week starts.

But here’s the thing. Most of the time it doesn’t happen. Monday is a rubbish day to start anything. Most people don’t like Monday mornings, so you’re probably at a low ebb even before you start to make the change. You also see the whole week looming ahead of you and the thought of not being able to eat/drink/smoke/be lazy all week sounds really hard. If you really want to make a change, don’t put it off until Monday – start it today.

If you want to start the diet, throw all the junk food out NOW.

If you want to Stop drinking, poor all the alcohol away NOW.

If you want to quit Smoking, throw the cigarettes away NOW.

If you want to get Organised, grab a pile of whatever it is you need to organise and get on with it.

If you want to get fit, dust off that exercise DVD and get into your gym kit NOW.

What ever it is you want to start on Monday…

 DO IT NOW.

Even if you just make a small start then you have already started the ball rolling for next week – you’re not starting from scratch, you’re continuing – and that’s always easier than starting something for the first time. It’s often said that the first step is the hardest, so why not get that out of the way and feel good about it!