Poem for today

May my heart always be open

May my heart always be open to little
birds who are the secrets of living
whatever they sing is better than to know
and if men should not hear them men are old

May my mind stroll about hungry
and fearless and thirsty and supple
and even if it’s sunday may i be wrong
for whenever men are right they are not young

and may myself do nothing usefully
and love yourself so more than truly
there’s never been quite such a fool who could fail
pulling all the sky over him with one smile

– e.e.cummings

How to influence people

My Job is to influence people.

I’m a Hypnotherapist and people pay me to influence the way they think and feel, so I’ve learned a few tricks along the way.

One of the least successful methods to get anyone to change is to tell them to, yet that seems to be what most people do most of the time.

Another thing people think will work is to explain things to people. They believe that if the other person just understands that what they are thinking/doing is wrong then they will change their behaviour. Unfortunately, this rarely works either. Take smoking for instance. We all know that smoking is damaging to us, and that we are likely to suffer ill health if we do it, yet there are still millions of smokers in the world. Telling them so stop doesn’t work. Explaining that it is bad for them doesn’t work. So what does?

Generally speaking, the best way of influencing someone (who isn’t hypnotised) is by leading by example.

If someone has a phobia of spiders there is a pretty good chance they were influenced into this way of thinking by someone close to them who was also scared of spiders. They saw this person freak out and subconsciously decided that this was a good way to react. Conversely if a person with an existing phobia is surrounded by people who are calm and relaxed around spiders, they may start to feel more relaxed themselves.

I had a client the other day who desperately wanted their partner to come for a hypnotherapy session with me. The partner was adamant that it wasn’t for them and refused point blank to even think about it. So my client booked 3 sessions with me to work on an issue she had. She went home after each session and told her partner how good it was making her feel and how much she was gaining from it. By the third session, he was asking if he could take her place.

When I was 11 years old I was told by a headmaster that the best piece of advice he could give me was to choose my friends wisely. It was a great piece of advice. Not only have my friends helped me through some difficult times and made good times better, but they have also influenced me. They have shaped my ideas and beliefs, they have led by example and I have learned so much from them. If I had chosen other friends, who knows where my life would have taken me. My advice to you would be to choose friends you respect. Choose friends you care about. Choose friends you want to be like.

If you want to influence someone be the example. Be their friend and show them by your words and more importantly your actions how good life can be. Show them what it is to be strong, caring, committed, healthy, reliable, responsible, fun, interesting and non judgemental. It may take some time, but you will be amazed at the impact it can have.

Everyone said

Here’s my weekly poem – I hope you enjoy it

It Couldn’t Be Done

BY EDGAR ALBERT GUEST

Somebody said that it couldn’t be done

      But he with a chuckle replied

That “maybe it couldn’t,” but he would be one

      Who wouldn’t say so till he’d tried.

So he buckled right in with the trace of a grin

      On his face. If he worried he hid it.

He started to sing as he tackled the thing

      That couldn’t be done, and he did it!

Somebody scoffed: “Oh, you’ll never do that;

      At least no one ever has done it;”

But he took off his coat and he took off his hat

      And the first thing we knew he’d begun it.

With a lift of his chin and a bit of a grin,

      Without any doubting or quiddit,

He started to sing as he tackled the thing

      That couldn’t be done, and he did it.

There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done,

      There are thousands to prophesy failure,

There are thousands to point out to you one by one,

      The dangers that wait to assail you.

But just buckle in with a bit of a grin,

      Just take off your coat and go to it;

Just start in to sing as you tackle the thing

      That “cannot be done,” and you’ll do it.

Thinking

It’s Sunday, It’s time for a little poetry.

I came across this the other day and like how beautifully it tied together the theories on positive thinking…

I hope you like it

If you think you are beaten, you are
If you think you dare not, you don’t,
If you like to win, but you think you can’t
It is almost certain you won’t.If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost
For out of the world we find,
Success begins with a fellow’s will
It’s all in the state of mind.

If you think you are outclassed, you are
You’ve got to think high to rise,
You’ve got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win a prize.

Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man,
But soon or late the man who wins
Is the man WHO THINKS HE CAN!

Walter D Wintle

Word of the month

My word of the month for January is …

Habit

January is a time when a lot of people are trying to make new habits or break old ones. It’s that New Year, New Me stuff.

We are fast approaching the time when most New years resolutions fall by the wayside.

According to studies most people give up on their resolution by the 22nd of January. If you’re still going for it, well done, but if you’ve already let old habits slip back in, don’t feel to bad about it – these things happen.

In some ways I was surprised to find that the resolutions were broken after 3 weeks. We are often told that it takes between 2 and 3 weeks to make a break a habit, which would suggest that by the 22nd we should have that habit firmly established. So, what get’s in our way?

I think part of the problem is that we still have the habit of thinking about whatever it is we are trying to change.

Whether you are trying to diet or exercise, study more or worry less you eill find yourself thinking about ‘how it used to be’. This is a habit you are creating too.

What can you do about this?

The main thing you can do is notice that you are doing it. When you notice these thoughts popping into your head, think about what you are saying to yourself. Are you saying things like ‘I’d rather be doing…’ or ‘I’m missing out on…..’ or ‘I’d normally be eating….’ All of these are really tempting difficult thought patterns for you to deal with.

Imagine being on a diet and you have a best friend who was constantly with you. Every time you get hungry they say ‘some cake would be lovely around now’ or ‘that salad is rubbish compared to the takeaway we normally have on a Friday’ or ‘wouldn’t you rather have a biscuit?’

That would be really hard to deal with, and you’d probably fall of the wagon.

Now imagine that best friend was really supporting you. Instead of all that unhelpful talk they were saying things like ‘You are looking and feeling better every day’ or ‘That healthy choice you’ve made for dinner is helping you to get into those jeans you want’ or ‘I’m so proud of you sticking to your diet, even when it’s tricky’.

That friend is going to help you to achieve your goals.

Make a new habit to be your own best friend and think about what you are saying to yourself. Support yourself as you would a true friend and you’ll be surprised what you can do.

Sometimes it can be difficult to deal with negative thought patterns and this is where therapy and in particular CBT and Hypnotherapy can be very useful. With CBT you work on changing the negative thought patterns into positive ones by completing exercises to challenge your thoughts. With Hypnotherapy we use access to the subconscious to change these thought patterns in an easy way. There’s no reason not to get help with these things if you find them too difficult to do on your own. You used an instructor to teach you how to drive, why not use one to help you think in a productive, fulfilling way?

The Hollow Men, QI, a 90’s rock band and Franz Schubert – a strange journey into my mind.

I have always liked poems and songs working together.

I think a lot of song lyrics are the most beautiful prose and  lot of poems could be made more powerful with music, but what I’m really talking about here is when someone uses a line or two from a poem or play in their music, either to preface it, as a quote or to sum it up.

I was reminded of this the other day when I was listening to a TV program and the host said, “not with a boom but a whimper…” I thought – where’s that from? – It definitely rings a bell, so I hit google.

I quickly found the quote, ‘not with a bang but a whimper’ from T.S. Elliot’s The Hollow Men – a great poem, but not one I had been familiar with. When I got to the last verse it read…

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

There was that bell again, but this time it was the repetition of This is the way the world ends. Where did I know it from. A bit more searching and I found my answer.

There was a band in the 90’s called EMF. They released an album in 1991 called Schubert Dip, which included a track called Longtime. I was a fan at the time, but I probably hadn’t listened to this particular track for over 20 years. Yet here, sparked by a misquote of a poem, I had been drawn back to EMF who had themselves misquoted the poem at the start of one of their tracks. Their quote went

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a band…

Here is the song itself in case you’re interested…

Have a wonderful day, with your wonderful brain, making connections, remembering long forgotten things and generally following your thoughts 🙂

Lessons from an Elephant with a blue ribbon

It’s Friday – time to get our groove on!

It’s all too easy to get so wrapped up in the grind of our daily lives that we forget how to simply kick back and play, but rescued baby elephant Faa Mai is here to remind us that life is always worth celebrating. Visitors to the Elephant Nature Park in Chiang Mai, Thailand, witnessed this 5-year-old calf discovering just how much fun she could have with a blue elastic ribbon. Rhythmic Gymnastics – here we come!

Elephant Nature Park is operated and funded by the Save Elephant Foundation, a Thai non-profit organization that focuses its efforts on caring for the country’s captive elephant population. For almost 20 years, the park has provided a safe haven for these gorgeous animals. If you would like to donate to keep them going they’ll be able to help even more of these amazing creatures. That will be my Friday Random act of Kindness for this week.

If you could do with a smile today I urge you to check out the video and if you can, donate.

Have a great weekend 🙂

Work to Live or Live to Work

How’s your Work / Life Balance?

Do you think you’ve got it about right?

If not, what can you do to change it?

Firstly you need to establish what’s important to you – If you lost your job tomorrow how would you feel? If you lost your family and friends tomorrow how would you feel? It’s much easier to get a new job than new loved ones. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to say your job is not important. It’s good for you mentally as well as financially to have a job that you are invested in and have a passion to do well at, but it should only be a part of your life. If you won the lottery tomorrow and were rich beyond your wildest dreams, would you continue to do your job? If not, then you are doing it for the money. While that’s understandable, it’s not a reason to let it infringe on the whole of your life.

With most jobs work should start when you get to work, and end when you walk away from it. It is important to leave work at work. If you come home and spend your evenings complaining about what you had to put up with all day, or constantly on your ‘phone or computer dealing with messages or emails then you are extending your working day and ruining your free time. If you find it difficult to do this you might like to try this little exercise…

This is most effective if you use a method of self hypnosis first.

Imagine something that represents work for you. It might be a tool that you use as part of your job, a symbol that you associate with it or something else entirely. Whatever it is, see it clearly in your mind’s eye and link your working day to it.

Now imagine something that represents coming home for you. It could be getting into your car, a train or bus or maybe just opening your front door. When you see yourself doing that activity imagine the thing that represented work for you being blocked in some way. It can’t come in, so you can either tie it down so that it just stays there and waits for you to come back or it can simply float away. Which ever you feel is right.

This creates a mental disconnect from work and home and should make it easier to leave the work at work.

By creating a space for you to be free from work you allow yourself to be present with the people that matter to you and to do the things you want to do. This is incredibly important for you and your relationships, but also allows you to be more present and focussed at work when you’re there.

Enjoy your free time this week – do something amazing 🙂

A new week begins

It’s Monday! 

The week is ripe with possibilities. We have 7 new, shiny days to achieve new goals, try new things, see new places, learn new skills, find new loves, hear new music, taste new foods, read new books (or Blogs for that matter), meet new people.

I always feel a bit sad for people who hate Mondays – it means they’re not happy with at least a seventh of their life – and that’s no fun. The chances are that if they hate Mondays, they’re not to excited about Tuesdays, Wednesdays or Thursdays either…apparently they do quite like Fridays though.

I think perspective makes a huge difference to how you feel about things. If your perspective is that all you have to look forward to is the drudgery of a work week with no end in sight until the weekend, then I can’t say that I blame you for not feeling the ‘Monday Love’. I’m lucky, I love what I do. My job is basically to help people feel better about things – what’s not to love about that! I have, however, had jobs I did not feel the same amount of love for. I’ve had jobs that I didn’t want to do, and even with those jobs, I still didn’t hate Mondays. My job has never been my life. Sure I have to sell my time in order to pay the bills, but even if that’s for 10 or 12 hours a day, I still have time to do things that make me happy. Just because most of your time is taken up doing things that you have less choice about, doesn’t mean that you have to sacrifice the time you do have doing things that don’t inspire you or bring you joy.

This week think of at least one thing you would do if you had the week off work and do it anyway. Find the time in the morning or evening to do the thing that makes you happy, challenges you and helps you grow. Read, eat, drink, meditate, exercise, experience what ever it is that makes life worth living.

Have a great week.