February – Heart Awareness month

Are you taking care of your heart? When you hear that, what does it make you think?

Do you think about diet and exercise? Do you think about relationships? Do you think about Self Care?

I think it should be about all of those things. I spent December writing about self care, and January writing about diet, so this month I want to write about relationships, what they mean and why they are important. Also hopefully, you’ll get some ideas on how to improve your relationships, feel better in them and get more out of them.

Today’s post though, is how to deal with the pain of the end of a relationship.

Relationships ending can be incredibly painful. Whether the end of the relationship is caused by someone ending it, or by death, there is a grief process to go through.

In both cases there is a relationship that no longer exists and grieving is a natural reaction to that.

There are famously said to be 5 stages of grief and these need to be worked through with a relationship ending.

Often the most difficult phases is denial. I have seen a number of clients in my hypnotherapy practice who say they want to get over a relationship that’s ended, but when I speak to them, they tell me what they really want is for it to be back on again. Despite saying they want to be over it, they are still in denial that it is really over. This is a terrible limbo land that can be difficult to move forward from until they accept that it’s over.

Then comes anger. It’s only natural to lash out when we are in pain, but anger is best kept in check. Not only can it make situations much worse if the anger is taken out on another person, but it can be much more serious when the anger turns inwards and we start to blame ourselves for the situation. This way leads to self-confidence issues and has other mental health implications contributing to anxiety and depression.

Now we get to bargaining. Again it’s fairly normal to bargain with our ex in order to get things back on track again, but the best person to bargain with is yourself. You need to decide how you want to get through this and make deals with yourself to help you to achieve it.

Here comes the darkest part – the depression. You will sometimes feel sad. You will sometimes feel as though you will never feel anything other than sad again. That’s not true. You will get through this. You will be happy again. You will look back on this differently one day. And now is the time to think about the bargains you made with yourself. Hopefully you decided you wanted to get through this as best as you can and work to take care of yourself. Eat well, go out, keep clean, be around people. I know it can be tough, but it will get easier.

Eventually you will get to acceptance. You may never be happy about it – then again, you might, but even if you don’t, you will learn to accept it. If you’re clever you will learn lessons from it. Know what you want, what you are prepared to accept and what you might need to do in order to get that. Also know what you need to bring to a relationship? We often think about what we want from other people, but sometimes it pays to think what they might want from us….

Time flies when you’re having Fun

It’s Sunday – That lovely day when you have nothing pressing to do…

So why does it go so fast? And why do Mondays last so much longer?

Why does 5 minutes between snoozes on the alarm go by in seconds, but the 5 minutes before your lunch break takes an eternity?

Why does a watched kettle never boil?

Because you can distort time! (aren’t you a clever thing)

We all do it.

The problem is most of us are doing it wrong.

We extend the periods of boredom, of discomfort, of sadness or of pain, and we shorten the times of joy, relaxation, happiness and love.

In hypnosis, time distortion is a regular phenomenon. People often say to me that we’ve only been talking for a few minutes, when often an hour has gone by. This is a trick you can learn. When you are hypnotised your mind is incredibly focussed on one thought, usually the voice of the person who has hypnotised you. That focus is where time goes…it’s like you can’t concentrate on time and be completely focussed on something else. That’s why time can disappear when you are lost in a good book, listening to music, or having a great time with friends.

When you are unhappy, bored or in pain, your focus is often on the time itself…so it gets longer. By willing it to go fast, we extend it further and further until it feels like an eternity.

So, if you want time to pass quickly, STOP focussing on the time and START focussing on something else.

Sometimes that’s easier said than done, but that’s where hypnosis is fantastic. Whether you use self hypnosis or go to a clinical hypnotherapist, that focus can be achieved.

Enjoy what’s left of your weekend – I hope your happy moments last a life time 🙂