Confidence is a bit like air.
When you have it you tend not to think about it, when you don’t it can feel awful.
Social anxiety, performance anxiety and generalised anxiety can all be debilitating, reducing sufferers to people afraid to leave their own homes and with serious esteem issues.
The good news is that it can be overcome.
It takes work, and it’s not always easy, but you can do it.
My advice would be to get professional help – counsellors and therapists can work wonders in this area.
If you’re not ready to take that step, or think you can manage it yourself there are some things that you can do to move forward.
How to feel more confident.
1. Challenge your beliefs.
If you you believe that everyone at the party will hate you – challenge that.
Firstly, it’s very likely that most people at the party will barely notice you. Most of the time we are so wrapped up in our own thoughts and lives that we barely notice what anyone else is doing, wearing or thinking.
Secondly, it’s very unlikely that EVERYONE will have a bad opinion of you, whatever you do. Even serial killers get fan mail. Surely you’re not that bad!
Thirdly, I doubt very much anyone will HATE you. Hating takes a lot of energy. Think about it – do you HATE anyone? If so, were they someone you randomly met at a party?
2. Ask yourself – so what?
If you believe that you will not be very good at something, ask yourself, so what?
What if you’re not very good at it? What will it matter?
Maybe people won’t clap – so what? What if they don’t? Will you die? Will anyone else die? Will it cause you pain?
Maybe they won’t / will laugh (depending on whether or not you’re trying to be funny) – so what?
Maybe they won’t book you to do another gig?
Maybe people will talk about you for a bit?
So what? It really doesn’t matter.
3. Remind yourself that it’s OK not to be perfect.
Nobody is perfect. Let me say that again – Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes, we all get awkward sometimes, we all drop things, we all get nervous, we all say the wrong things sometimes – and that’s OK.
You are not perfect, and that’s OK.
4. The chances are that the person you are standing next to is feeling anxious too.
Have you ever been in a room, where nobody is talking and you are waiting for someone to make the first move and say something. Guess what, everyone else is waiting for the same thing.
Take the bull by the horns and say something. The relief on the other persons face will let you know that they were feeling the same way and that you have just shown yourself to be the most confident one there!
Check you out!
5. Work out whether you are feeling excited or nervous.
Sometimes when we are waiting for something we start to feel physically different. Maybe our heart starts beating a bit faster, our breathing becomes a bit more rapid, our palms may get a bit sweaty and our mouth goes dry…Am I describing feeling nervous or excited? They’re both pretty much the same, so how do you know you’re not just feeling excited?
Whether you decide to take these steps yourself or get someone to help you to feel more confident, I wish you and yours a happy, confident, fulfilling party season and a fantastic new year.
Go get ’em tiger!