Hello beautiful people! How’s your New Year going so far?
Have you set yourself a load of New Year’s resolutions or are you planning on staying exactly as you currently are? If you’re perfect already, why change?
Most of us haven’t quite achieved the ‘perfect’ status as yet and so may have some things that we are working on – getting fitter, slimmer, happier, richer, calmer, more motivated or maybe even just working on blogging more!
I’m a big fan of learning, growing and self improvement, but more importantly than all of that I’m an advocate of being kind to yourself.
I see lots of clients with various issues that they are looking to change. One of the most common factors that runs through all of them is a lack of self kindness. When I hear the words people use about themselves it horrifies me. I honestly believe that most people are bullies.
As a society, we generally frown on bullying. We dislike it when people use aggressive or hurtful language to each other. We cringe when people call other people names. We are against shaming people – and yet we seem to do it to ourselves all the time.
See if you can recognise any of these thoughts…
I’m not good enough
I hate myself
I’m so stupid
I’m fat and disgusting
I’m too thick to do that
I have no self control
I am so embarrasing
Now imagine saying that to someone you care about? Would you say any of this to someone you love?
You’re not good enough
I hate you
You’re so stupid
You’re fat and disgusting
You’re too thick to do that
You have no self control
You’re so embarrasing
Sounds pretty awful right? I know if someone spoke to me that way I wouldn’t want to hang out with them and I certainly wouldn’t call them motivational or helpful.
When I think about motivational work, I think about supportive, helpful language. Words that will encourage and lift the person hearing them. Things like…
You CAN do this
You can achieve anything you set your mind to
It’s a learning process, keep trying
Everyone has to start somewhere
You are in control
We all make mistakes, forget it and move on
I’m proud of the effort you are putting in
Look how far you’ve come
These things sound more like something I would say to a friend or someone I cared about. Think about how these words would make you feel compared to the earlier list.
For most of us, changing the way we speak to ourselves takes some practice. The chances are that we have been using bullying language for a long time, so it may take a concerted effort to change your internal dialogue – and that’s OK. It’s a learning process. Don’t give up, you are in control. If you even give this a go I will be so proud of you for trying to make a positive change – you CAN do this!
Changing the way that you think and feel can sometimes be challenging when you are trying to do all the work yourself. If you need a helping hand, take one! There are plenty of people like me who are professional therapists who’s passion in life is to help people like you feel the way you want to. Hypnotherapy is a great tool to take some of the hard work out of these sort of changes.