5 ways to make a positive introduction

We’ve all been there. We need to introduce ourselves and we want to make a good impression, but how do we do that?

It starts before you even open your mouth.

Decide what comfortable looks like

Firstly, you need to get your energy right. Don’t get weirded out by the idea of personal energy – it’s not some strange construct about chi or laylines, it’s just the ‘vibes’ we give out. I’m sure some of you are reading this and thinking ‘what utter nonsense’, but think about this for a second…have you ever walked into a room where nobody has said a word, but you can tell that there is tension – that things aren’t right…that’s the energy I’m talking about. In reality it’s probably a combination of body language and our subconscious minds. We pick up on all sorts of small signals and they give us a feeling of right or wrong, good or bad, safe or dangerous, comfortable or nervous.

When we meet people, we want them to think certain things of us and feel a certain way about us. Unless we have ulterior motives we probably want them to like us – to feel comfortable and at ease. So how do we achieve this? Let’s start by thinking about the sort of people we feel comfortable with…are they nervous or self assured? Are they  relaxed or uptight? Are they highly strung or laid back? Are they vigilant or unaware? Generally people feel comfortable with people who seem comfortable themselves. They seen confident, self assured, relaxed and happy.

I you don’t feel it- fake it

So we want to appear to be confident, self assured, relaxed and happy. If you feel that way then you are already most of the way there, but what if you don’t. The easy answer is fake it. Most people aren’t very good at telling if someone is genuinely confident, or just pretending to be, so fake it ’til you make it. Think about your body language. Imagine someone who feels the way you want to feel and think about how they look. What is their posture like? How about their eye contact? Are they fidgeting? Do they have a prop? What are their hands doing? If you can picture it, then you can copy it. Maybe you could even imagine floating into their body and assuming their mannerisms…

What if it all went perfectly?

Sometimes the reasons we feel anxious or nervous are because we have thought about all the things that could possibly go wrong. We go over and over the situation, thinking about what mistakes we might make or all the negative things people may think about us. Unfortunately, rather than helping us to prepare, this just makes us fearful. This in turn affects the energy. How comfortable do feel around people that are scared? I know it can be easy to think about all the worst possible outcomes, but with practice you can start to think about all the things that could go well. What if they really like us? What if it goes perfectly? These thoughts lead to confidence and a positive feeling.

Be realistic

When we meet people, what ever the situation, we have some hopes about how it’s going to go. If it’s a job interview, we want them to give us the job. If it’s a date, we want them to want to see us again. If it’s a new job we want to fit in with the new team and become liked and valuable. As much as we hope it will go perfectly – what if it doesn’t? Is it life or death? Will we have another chance to change things? Being confident is not about believing that everyone will like you, it’s about knowing that you will be OK even if they don’t. So don’t put too much pressure on yourself and relax!

Enjoy it

The nicest people to be around tend to be those that just enjoy the company of others. So put your best foot forward, relax (or pretend to) and enjoy the opportunity. Who knows where it could take you?

If you struggle with social situations or have problems with confidence and self esteem there are many ways you can get help. Hypnotherapists like myself are ready and willing to help you to feel how you want to, either through hypnosis or through a myriad of other psychological tools and tricks. Don’t suffer unnecessarily –  make the change!

 

 

How to Nail your next Job Interview

It’s Monday – If you have that sinking feeling on a Monday morning, maybe you’re in the wrong job.

As Ricky Gervais said ‘Remember, Mondays are fine. It’s your life that sucks’

In order to get the job of your dreams, you are going to have to get through the interview.

Here’s how.

Research the job

Before you go anywhere near the interview it’s important that you know what you’re interviewing for. Find out about the job. If it’s a customer facing position, go and be the customer and ask the staff what it is they like and don’t like about the job. Find out what the job entails – for every bit of it you are aware of there are probably bit’s that you had never thought of.

Find out about the company. What makes them special. They are the things you are going to want to demonstrate about yourself at the interview. If the company is green, think green. If it’s community based, think community.

Dress to impress

(because nobody gets a job wearing flip flops)

Know what you are going to wear to the interview. It doesn’t always have to be a suit – that depends on the job – but most potential employers are going to want to know that you have made an effort. That goes for your general appearance as well as your clothes. Make sure your are clean and smart. Clean hair and nails, appropriate make up and jewellery and subtle perfume or aftershave. What ever you decide to wear to the interview it needs to be clean – that includes footwear, so get the polish out.

Turn up 5 minutes before you are expected

At the very least you turn up on time, but it is always better to be a little early. Yes you might have to hang around for a bit if things are overrunning, but that’s just how it goes. Nobody is impressed by lateness. It is always a good idea to know exactly where you are going and do a practice run a day or two before. If a disaster happens and you are going to be late, make sure that you have the contact details of the person you are meeting and call to let them know what has happened. Apologise and ask them if it would be possible to reschedule.

The Interview – present the best you

Be calm and be confident.

Be calm, not laid back. Calmness shows in your voice and your body language. Think about what somebody who is calm looks like. Now imagine them nervous. You need to be copying the calm body language. No fidgeting, no biting of nails, no playing with your clothes or hair. Hands in your lap, shoulders relaxed and looking interested.

Be confident, not cocky or arrogant. The person who is interviewing you wants to find somebody to fill this position. Confidence will prove to them that you are the person for the job. They are also going to have to work with the person they hire, so they are going to want to like them. Arrogance is not likeable.

It is important to be yourself in the interview. There is a thing know as discordance that makes us feel uncomfortable around people who are not being genuine. It’s subtle, but we tend to pick up on it. So be yourself – but be the best version of yourself. It’s worth looking up classic interview questions on line and preparing some answers for the more tricky ones, but again, keep it real. If the question is ‘what are your weaknesses?’ the interviewer doesn’t want to hear ‘I work too hard and need to be perfect at everything!’ something like ‘maths isn’t my strong suit, but I’ve done some work to improve it’ would be better.

If you are prone to nerves or lack of confidence it is worth doing some work on this prior to the interview. There are several self hypnosis techniques you could use like the Betty Erickson technique or The Switch which can be used, but if you are having real trouble I would encourage you to seek professional help – it could be the difference you need to make Mondays a joy for the rest of your life.

Ask Questions

Ask good questions. Don’t ask ‘how soon can I take holiday?’ or ‘Do I get sick pay straight away?’

Ask about career progression. Ask about volunteer work the company is involved with. Ask about charities they support. Ask about things that show you are interested in working for these people for a long time!

It’s as easy as that.

If you can’t decide what your dream job is just ask yourself the following question

‘If money was no object, what would I do for the rest of my life?’

What are you waiting for?