Here’s my weekly poem – I hope you enjoy it
It Couldn’t Be Done
Here’s my weekly poem – I hope you enjoy it
Do you ever have one of those days where everyone annoys you?
From the person calling in to the TV show, to the person who has parked awkwardly at the supermarket, the person who wanted to stop to chat and the person who didn’t.
Literally everyone is annoying.
I was having one of those days earlier.
Weirdly the thing that snapped me out of it was someone being genuinely obnoxious.
If I had been in my normal happy go lucky kind of mood they may have irritated me, but I was already in a foul mood (for no good reason at all) and they made me laugh.
Now, I knew from the outset the the problem today was me – I was the one with the issue – not everybody else, but it never really feels that way. It was only when I was confronted with someone who was at fault that I could let go of the anger I was feeling to everyone else- because they all looked so good in comparison!
That got me thinking.
How often are we happy or unhappy with a situation just because we have compared it to others?
Let me give you an example.
If you walked into work tomorrow and the boss called you into the office and told you he was giving you a 10% pay rise, you would probably be pretty pleased. If you later found out that everyone else had been given 15%, how would you feel? You still have the 10% raise that you were happy with, but now it just seems unfair and a bit rubbish.
On the other hand if you found out everyone else was only getting a 5% raise, your 10% would feel even better…even though it’s still the same 10%.
So, If you want to change the way you are thinking or feeling, try to do some comparisons that will make you feel good. There are always people who have it worse or harder than you do and there will always be people who have it better. If you are constantly comparing yourself to those who have what you perceive to be a better time of it, you will leave yourself feeling fed up and hard done by. Compare yourself to the ones who have it worse off and you will elevate your mood. You might even decide to do something to help them, which will make you feel even better (research shows that people doing a good deed get more from it than the people to whom a good deed is done).
50 would be female
50 would be male
26 would be children
There would be 74 adults,
8 of whom would be 65 and older
There would be:
14 people from the Americas
12 people who practice other religions
12 people who would not be aligned with a religion
12 would speak Chinese
5 would speak Spanish
5 would speak English
3 would speak Arabic
3 would speak Hindi
3 would speak Bengali
3 would speak Portuguese
2 would speak Russian
2 would speak Japanese
62 would speak other languages
83 would be able to read and write; 17 would not
7 would have a college degree
22 would own or share a computer
77 people would have a place to shelter them
from the wind and the rain, but 23 would not
1 would be dying of starvation
15 would be undernourished
21 would be overweight
87 would have access to safe drinking water
13 people would have no clean, safe water to drink
Lets be honest – this is where most of us fall down.
We start off with good intentions, full of enthusiasm for what we are about to do, the mountains we’ll climb, the heights we will reach, the success we’ll achieve.
Then we start to get a bit bored.
It starts to seem like a bit too much work.
We forget what we wanted to achieve in the first place and start to think about what we want to do right at this particular moment.
Maybe a few obstacles have got in our way.
Maybe someone has said something that has demotivated us.
Maybe those mountains seem a bit too high right now.
You haven’t failed until you’ve stopped trying.
Persistence is King
It’s said that experts in a field have failed at it more times than most people have even tried.
Mastering a skill – really mastering it – takes about 10,000 hours of practice.
So, think back to the start of this year – what did you want to achieve?
Are you still on track?
If not, maybe it’s time to remember why you wanted to do it in the first place.
Pick yourself up, forgive yourself for not being as amazing as you had hoped you would be and get back on it.
How do I change my life?
I change me
I change how I think
I change how I act
I change what I do
I change what I want
I change what I eat
I change what I know
I change what I feel
I change me
and then my life changes all on its own
Most of the people reading this will be bloggers.
There are many reasons for people to blog. Some want to shout into empty space, some want to unload to a place where no one knows who they are, some just want to share their stories, but most of us want followers.
So why do we want followers?
For some people it may be affirmation that what they are saying is interesting. For others it may be a boost to their egos. Others are using their blog to promote or sell something. Some may be trying to launch a writing career. What ever your personal reason to blog, if you want followers then you have to get into the habit of blogging regularly.
I know. I started this blog about 18 months ago and I had this silly idea that if I blogged once a month or so, somehow, people would magically find me and my stuff and would all want to know what was coming next. Some did, and for that I am genuinely grateful, but numbers were low. In retrospect, that wasn’t really very surprising. Firstly, there just wasn’t enough material there for people to get what they needed from my blog. Secondly, how were they supposed to know it was there?
In August last year I set myself a little blogging challenge. I decided that I was going to blog every day for 90 days. I didn’t have a goal for how may new followers or likes I wanted. I just knew I wanted to start a new blogging habit of writing EVERY DAY.
To start with it was relatively easy. I was full of enthusiasm and ideas that came pouring out. About 3 weeks in it started to get a little harder. I struggled to think what I would write about, I was worried about repeating myself, I started to make excuses for why I shouldn’t complete my 90 days.
Then I made a plan.
I wrote down a little blogging plan. I thought about topics that I could add to each week. I thought about big ideas that could run and run. I thought about fun things that I liked writing about. All of a sudden I had mapped out the next couple of months topics and I was back to feeling excited about it.
I’m not saying I always stuck to the plan. Sometimes a new and exciting idea would come along or maybe something would happen in the news that inspired me, but I always had something to write about.
Before I knew it my 90 days were up, and do you know what I did to celebrate this milestone? I blogged about it!
Blogging had become my new habit and I enjoyed it.
This works for blogging, but it also works for any other thing you might be wanting to change in your life. What we do is generally a matter of habit. So whether you are trying to make new habits or change old ones, make a plan, make it achievable and get on with it. Before you now it, it will just be something you do.
Then you get to reap the rewards.
If your habits change your body you’ll see it, If they change your mind, you’ll feel it, and if they change your wealth you’ll notice it.
What habits do you want to make or break that will leave you feeling better for 2015?
Here are some ideas.
Diet – eat 7 portions of fresh fruit and vegetables a day
Exercise – 30 minutes a day
Meditation – meditate daily
Blogging – blog daily
Business – build your online profile
Relationships – speak to at least one friend a day
Partner – compliment your partner at least once a day
Mindfulness – practice being in the moment daily
Hobby – spend some time each week doing something you enjoy
Experiences – try something new every week
Learning – learn a new skill
Little changes make large differences – where do you want to be in 2016? What are you doing to get there?
My word of the month for January is …
January is a time when a lot of people are trying to make new habits or break old ones. It’s that New Year, New Me stuff.
We are fast approaching the time when most New years resolutions fall by the wayside.
According to studies most people give up on their resolution by the 22nd of January. If you’re still going for it, well done, but if you’ve already let old habits slip back in, don’t feel to bad about it – these things happen.
In some ways I was surprised to find that the resolutions were broken after 3 weeks. We are often told that it takes between 2 and 3 weeks to make a break a habit, which would suggest that by the 22nd we should have that habit firmly established. So, what get’s in our way?
I think part of the problem is that we still have the habit of thinking about whatever it is we are trying to change.
Whether you are trying to diet or exercise, study more or worry less you eill find yourself thinking about ‘how it used to be’. This is a habit you are creating too.
What can you do about this?
The main thing you can do is notice that you are doing it. When you notice these thoughts popping into your head, think about what you are saying to yourself. Are you saying things like ‘I’d rather be doing…’ or ‘I’m missing out on…..’ or ‘I’d normally be eating….’ All of these are really tempting difficult thought patterns for you to deal with.
Imagine being on a diet and you have a best friend who was constantly with you. Every time you get hungry they say ‘some cake would be lovely around now’ or ‘that salad is rubbish compared to the takeaway we normally have on a Friday’ or ‘wouldn’t you rather have a biscuit?’
That would be really hard to deal with, and you’d probably fall of the wagon.
Now imagine that best friend was really supporting you. Instead of all that unhelpful talk they were saying things like ‘You are looking and feeling better every day’ or ‘That healthy choice you’ve made for dinner is helping you to get into those jeans you want’ or ‘I’m so proud of you sticking to your diet, even when it’s tricky’.
That friend is going to help you to achieve your goals.
Make a new habit to be your own best friend and think about what you are saying to yourself. Support yourself as you would a true friend and you’ll be surprised what you can do.
Sometimes it can be difficult to deal with negative thought patterns and this is where therapy and in particular CBT and Hypnotherapy can be very useful. With CBT you work on changing the negative thought patterns into positive ones by completing exercises to challenge your thoughts. With Hypnotherapy we use access to the subconscious to change these thought patterns in an easy way. There’s no reason not to get help with these things if you find them too difficult to do on your own. You used an instructor to teach you how to drive, why not use one to help you think in a productive, fulfilling way?
Have you ever had a thought that just won’t go away?
Maybe it’s the thought that something is going to happen, or not going to happen.
Maybe it’s the thought of needing to do something that you don’t really want to do.
Maybe it’s an argument that you keep playing over and over again in your head.
Whatever it is there are some tricks that are worth knowing if you really want to get the thought out of your head.
Just get on with it.
Our brains have this annoying habit of not letting go of something that has been left incomplete. Various studies have shown this to be true, and it is a technique hypnotists, like myself, use to get you to remember something in your subconscious. Once the task has been completed our brains file it as done and forget about it. So, if you have a nagging thought about doing your taxes, cleaning the loft, having a conversation with someone – just do it!
Stop thinking of Pink Elephants.
Ok, so if I tell you to not think of a pink elephant, the first thing your brain does is bring up the idea of a pink elephant. It has then failed to NOT think of a pink elephant, so it will then keep reminding you of it (see the above point). You can complete the action by deciding that you want to think about pink elephants for a minute. When the minute is up, you have completed the task and your brain can file it as done – no more pink elephants!
Plan to think about Pink Elephants.
If you can’t think about Pink Elephants now (or whatever it is you don’t want to think about) make a decision to think about Pink Elephants at a certain time. Write it down, schedule it in. Your brain can now file this under another heading – it’s not done yet, but you know when it will be, so you can stop thinking about it.
Do something that takes ALL of your concentration.
Your brain is amazing, but it can’t do too many things at once – not even if you’re a girl! By doing a task that really takes concentration you will forget about the pink elephants.
Talk about the Pink Elephants.
Talk about them, write about them, sing about them, draw pictures of them. Make use of friends, family, religious leaders, doctors, psychiatrists, counsellors, therapists, bar tenders, co-workers, the woman who serves you at the supermarket, the guy who delivers your Pizza – who ever and where ever you can, go on about the Pink Elephants until even you’re so bored of them that you don’t want to think about them any more.
I wrote a post a while ago called let it go with hypnosis – check it out! It’s a really useful technique to get an unwanted thought out of your head – what have you got to lose?
And if all else fails, maybe you should try a little professional help – It’s what I’m here for!
How have you done on your New years resolutions for 2014?
Are you making any for 2015?
Why wait for January?
We are entering into an unusual time of the year. December and everything associated with Christmas is a time that is a little outside the normal way of things. There are more parties, more food and drink, more time with families, more opportunities to have time away from work. All of these things can either help, or get in the way of, all of the resolutions detailed above.
The choice is yours.
The thing to remember is that when you made this resolution, or when you have been thinking about starting it in January, you have made the decision that this is something you want to achieve – something you want in your life.
If you’re thinking about the idea that December is your last blow out before you start your change, I would question your commitment to changing.
If you really want to lose weight, why spend December putting on more weight to lose in January?
If you really want to give up smoking why spend December risking your health for another month?
If you really want to quit drinking, why spend December with a hangover and an abused liver?
If you really want to get out of debt why spend December getting yourself into a worse position?
If you really want to get fit. why spend December sitting on the sofa eating mince pies and making it harder to start in January?
January is a bit depressing. All the parties are over, all the presents are unwrapped, the weather is rubbish and there’s nothing to look forward to for ages….so why would you want to make a change in your life at a time when you are already struggling? Do it at a good time – like NOW!
There is also the pressure of everyone starting their new years resolutions in January. How great would you feel when people are going on about how much weight they have to lose, and how much they put on over Christmas, if you could say that you had already lost half a stone and were feeling amazing?
If you have struggled to make the changes you wanted to this year, maybe it’s time to think about getting professional help. It’s OK to want a helping hand to make a change in your life. The important thing is that you make the changes you want to so that you can be as happy and fulfilled as possible. I think Hypnosis is a great way of getting that support, but there are lots of people ready and waiting to help you – slimming groups, personal trainers, volunteer groups, debt counsellors, life coaches etc etc, so don’t think you have to do it all on your own.
What ever you want to achieve to make your life better, think about what’s stopping you.
Don’t give up what you really want for something you just want now.
Then Click on the follow button!
Everything in this blog is designed to help you to do just that.
You have nothing to lose and so much to gain.