Self Care Advent Calendar Day 4

Hi there – welcome to the fourth day of our self care advent calendar. So now you should be dressed, clean, well fed and have ventured outside.

Keep it up – every day – yep, I said it, every day.

But here’s one that you can do for just one day (sort of). I want you to make a December/Christmas bucket list.

If you celebrate Christmas this is a great idea to make sure you are getting the most from the holiday season. If you don’t celebrate Christmas you can still join in by creating a list of all the things you want to do this December.

I want you to make your own, but I’m going to give you mine so that you can use it for inspiration.

Christmas Bucket List

1. Decorate the house
2. Make a Christmas tree ornament
3. Watch a Christmas film (Elf for me)
4. Donate to a food bank/homeless shelter
5. Take silly Christmas photos
6. Take a drive and look at the Christmas lights
7. Write and send Christmas cards (with proper messages to those I care about)
8. Make a drink Hot Chocolate with Marshmallows in
9. Make a Gingerbread house
10. Make some seed and nut fatballs to feed the birds
11. Make the house smell like Christmas (baked apples, cinnamon, cloves, sandalwood and oranges)
12. Take some stuff to the charity shop
13. Sing loudly to Christmas songs
14. Go for a long walk in the country
15. Dry orange slices
16. Make some Christmas cookies and give them to the neighbours
17. Snuggle up by the fire with a good book
18. Wear fluffy socks
19. Drink some mulled cider
20. Go Ice skating
21. Kiss someone you love under the mistletoe
22. Wear a Christmas jumper
23. Have a pamper day – hair, nails and feet looking their best for Christmas parties
24. Donate to an animal shelter – food, toys or bedding
25. Eat a candy cane
26. Decorate the table for Christmas dinner

 

So as I said – this one is a one off. You just need to do all the things on it, and that could take all month!

Only put things on the list that YOU want to do – don’t try to fit into anyone else’s expectation of what you should or shouldn’t be doing. It’s your list.

Also whilst I would love for you to do all the things on your list, you may not get them all done, and that’s OK – there’s always next year, or maybe you could just extend it into to January….it’s all flexible. It’s your list, your life and your experience – do it any way that works well for you. Having said that, it there is something that you’ve put on your list that you never get round to doing, ask yourself why. Is it because you didn’t really want to do it in the first place? Or maybe you do want to do it but can’t quite fund a way to make it happen…If that’s the case you need to make a plan and make it happen. Your Life if Your responsibility – make the things you want to happen happen.

So go forth and get on with your amazing Christmas Bucket List.

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Sometimes we can all do with a little helping hand to get us moving. If you need help with motivation or planning, maybe you could use the help of a therapist or life coach. We’re out there and happy to get you where you want to be.

Do your best

Have you ever done your best?

Have you ever tried as hard as you possibly can?

Have you done all of the preparation work that you possibly could?

Have you trained as hard as you could have?

Have you reread and rewritten your work enough?

Have you been focussed enough?

Have you tried every possible way to get it done?

Have you sought professional help or expertise?

Have you eliminated distractions?

Have you avoided all temptation?

Have you given it everything you’ve got?

Chances are that the answer is a big fat NO.

That’s OK.

(almost everyone else will say no to that too)

Stop beating yourself up. Accept that your not perfect and be a little nicer to yourself

There are, of course, exceptions – maybe you’re one of them – and if you are – Well Done.

I’m very impressed and all that but seriously – get a life!

Smile, relax, have fun, eat a cake, daydream, watch silly TV, make up stories in your head – it’s all really cool stuff 🙂

So maybe do your best, but then again, maybe don’t.

Try to be happy…

…but don’t try too hard!

My Happy Jar

This is the latest post about my Happy Jar. It’s been a little while since I posted an update on this, but don’t worry there’s still plenty going in the jar 🙂

The Happy Jar is a way to look back and remember all the little things that make us happy.

The idea came from a nice story I once heard about a woman who had a jar. Every time she thought of something that made her happy, she would jot it down on a piece of paper and put it in the jar. Whenever she felt down, or fed up, she would go to her jar and find all the things that made her happy. Some things were big things, events that happened that she could look back on and smile, but most were little things that she could cherish and maybe even recreate to make her feel better.

So here are a few things from my Happy Jar this month.

A pink sunrise (yes I know, red sky in the morning – shepherds warning, but it’s still pretty)

Catching up with old friends at a house warming

Seeing friends happy – on a new journey, full of excitement and anticipation.

Fresh Blueberries in my porridge for breakfast.

A gift to myself being delivered.

The smell of freshly cut grass after it has rained.

Seeing my old dog act like a puppy when she finds a new walk.

Listening to an album I haven’t played in years (and still remembering the words).

Sprouting seeds.

Finding an old friend on social media.

Getting my nerd on with a friend.

Finding out that some amazing shoes I want actually come in my size (I’m 6ft tall and have size 9 feet)

Getting great feedback from a post

Getting caught in the rain and running for cover (then getting home and dry!)

Rediscovering a joy in drawing.

I know none of these things are amazing, there is nothing earth shattering about them, but all of them have made me smile and brought a least a little joy to my soul.

What will you put in your happy jar this month?

Emotional eating – what that really means.

How we feel affects our appetites – for some more than others.

One of the ways people say that they can tell if there in love is that they go off their food.

For other people, being in a relationship (hopefully a happy one) will make them eat more.

An experiment was done recently where a group of people were sent on a mock driving test. No matter how good a driver you are, being tested is never nice and the tester in this case was trying to make them feel anxious. They were asked to do difficult manoeuvres and notes were taken without any comments. When they came back they were introduced to another group who had had a relaxing couple of hours. They had been chatting and listening to music – in general, they were just calm. They were then invited to an all you can eat buffet. When the amount eaten by each group was analysed it was found that the ‘stressed’ group ate many more calories than the ‘relaxed group’ – over 30% more. Although both groups had access to the same foods and had eaten the same thing earlier in the day, their experiences made them eat differently.

On the other hand some people lose a lot of weight, because their appetite dries up if they are stressed or upset. A phenomenon known as the ‘break up diet’ or ‘divorce diet’ is well documented. When we go through the trauma of a break up it can upset us so much that we go into a kind of grieving process and stop eating. This isn’t a deliberate act, the person concerned just has no hunger and food tastes unpleasant if they try to eat.

So all this can seem contradictory – when we are in love we can lose our appetite or eat more – the same goes for when we are stressed.

The truth seems to be much more about how we feel about ourselves during these processes and about how we want to feel. Food is often used to change the way we feel, but if we feel like we need to be in that emotional state, we tend to eat less.

The truth about all emotional eating is that when we eat we tend to go for comfort foods – foods that are high in fat/sugar/salt or all three. This is because these tend to set off the reward centres in our brains that make us feel better.

If you are trying to lose weight and think you are an emotional eater – before you eat something ask yourself – am I hungry. If the answer is yes, then ask yourself, am I hungry enough to eat an apple? If the answer to that is no, then your not actually hungry at all! Try doing something else to get your pleasure centres working – go for a walk, have a bath or play a game. When you’re hungry enough to eat something good for you, then eat that and be proud of yourself!

If you struggle with this or any other bad eating habit it may be worth seeking some help from a Hypnotherapist – they can help you to change your eating habit easily and permanently.

Come sit down beside me

I just read a beautiful little poem – here it is for you.

Come sit down beside me, I said to myself.
And although it doesn’t make sense,
I held my own hand as a small sign of trust
And together I sat on the fence.

Michael Leunig

Sometime when we feel lonely or that we don’t quite fit in, we need to remember that we can sit beside ourselves and offer some comfort.

If you are religious, maybe you feel that your God is sitting beside you.

If you believe in an after life maybe it’s a lost relative or friend.

If you would rather believe in the universal energy, maybe that’s what will hold your hand.

Me, I’ll sit on the fence with me and make faces at everyone.

If you fancy it, come and join me 🙂

How to influence people

My Job is to influence people.

I’m a Hypnotherapist and people pay me to influence the way they think and feel, so I’ve learned a few tricks along the way.

One of the least successful methods to get anyone to change is to tell them to, yet that seems to be what most people do most of the time.

Another thing people think will work is to explain things to people. They believe that if the other person just understands that what they are thinking/doing is wrong then they will change their behaviour. Unfortunately, this rarely works either. Take smoking for instance. We all know that smoking is damaging to us, and that we are likely to suffer ill health if we do it, yet there are still millions of smokers in the world. Telling them so stop doesn’t work. Explaining that it is bad for them doesn’t work. So what does?

Generally speaking, the best way of influencing someone (who isn’t hypnotised) is by leading by example.

If someone has a phobia of spiders there is a pretty good chance they were influenced into this way of thinking by someone close to them who was also scared of spiders. They saw this person freak out and subconsciously decided that this was a good way to react. Conversely if a person with an existing phobia is surrounded by people who are calm and relaxed around spiders, they may start to feel more relaxed themselves.

I had a client the other day who desperately wanted their partner to come for a hypnotherapy session with me. The partner was adamant that it wasn’t for them and refused point blank to even think about it. So my client booked 3 sessions with me to work on an issue she had. She went home after each session and told her partner how good it was making her feel and how much she was gaining from it. By the third session, he was asking if he could take her place.

When I was 11 years old I was told by a headmaster that the best piece of advice he could give me was to choose my friends wisely. It was a great piece of advice. Not only have my friends helped me through some difficult times and made good times better, but they have also influenced me. They have shaped my ideas and beliefs, they have led by example and I have learned so much from them. If I had chosen other friends, who knows where my life would have taken me. My advice to you would be to choose friends you respect. Choose friends you care about. Choose friends you want to be like.

If you want to influence someone be the example. Be their friend and show them by your words and more importantly your actions how good life can be. Show them what it is to be strong, caring, committed, healthy, reliable, responsible, fun, interesting and non judgemental. It may take some time, but you will be amazed at the impact it can have.

Sometimes you just need to get started

Morning my shiny happy people – how are you today?

It’s a beautiful sunny Monday morning here in Coventry, a bit on the nippy side, but lovely none the less.

I have to admit to something.

I’ve been procrastinating over a couple of things.

The first one was a paper work thing. I was a bit unsure about what I needed to do, so I found every excuse I could to avoid doing it. I found ‘busy’ work to do so that I could argue that I had been doing other things, I became very easily distracted by anything and everything that would take me away from it and I generally avoided having to get on with it. That has changed today and it makes me feel really good.

It feels great when you get something you have been putting off out of the way and you don’t have to think about it any more. If I do think about it, I think – well done me – I did that, rather than thinking that I should be doing it and feeling guilty and a bit rubbish about myself.

I bet you have one or two things that you are deliberately or subconsciously putting off…so what could be your trigger to getting them done?

Oddly, for me, it was getting on with something else that I had also been putting off.

My partner and I enjoy a good meal – maybe a little more than we should. Over the last few years the pounds have started to creep on and despite talking a lot about losing weight and using phases like ‘we could try this diet’ or ‘we should really do more exercise’ we hadn’t really committed to changing our habits at all – that is until this weekend. We stuck to a high protein, low carb meal plan and were quite impressed with the results – we both lost 4 pounds each. 4 pounds in 2 days is a hell of a kick start to a diet, and it made us both feel really good about sticking to it and achieving real results. This ‘win’ reminded me how good it feels to achieve something I’d been putting off and spurred me on to do my paperwork.

I was once told that the secret to getting things done is getting things started.

What are you going to start today?

The Blogging Habit

Most of the people reading this will be bloggers.

There are many reasons for people to blog. Some want to shout into empty space, some want to unload to a place where no one knows who they are, some just want to share their stories, but most of us want followers.

So why do we want followers?

For some people it may be affirmation that what they are saying is interesting. For others it may be a boost to their egos. Others are using their blog to promote or sell something. Some may be trying to launch a writing career. What ever your personal reason to blog, if you want followers then you have to get into the habit of blogging regularly.

I know. I started this blog about 18 months ago and I had this silly idea that if I blogged once a month or so, somehow, people would magically find me and my stuff and would all want to know what was coming next. Some did, and for that I am genuinely grateful, but numbers were low. In retrospect, that wasn’t really very surprising. Firstly, there just wasn’t enough material there for people to get what they needed from my blog. Secondly, how were they supposed to know it was there?

In August last year I set myself a little blogging challenge. I decided that I was going to blog every day for 90 days. I didn’t have a goal for how may new followers or likes I wanted. I just knew I wanted to start a new blogging habit of writing EVERY DAY.

To start with it was relatively easy. I was full of enthusiasm and ideas that came pouring out. About 3 weeks in it started to get a little harder. I struggled to think what I would write about, I was worried about repeating myself, I started to make excuses for why I shouldn’t complete my 90 days.

Then I made a plan.

I wrote down a little blogging plan. I thought about topics that I could add to each week. I thought about big ideas that could run and run. I thought about fun things that I liked writing about. All of a sudden I had mapped out the next couple of months topics and I was back to feeling excited about it.

I’m not saying I always stuck to the plan. Sometimes a new and exciting idea would come along or maybe something would happen in the news that inspired me, but I always had something to write about.

Before I knew it my 90 days were up, and do you know what I did to celebrate this milestone? I blogged about it!

Blogging had become my new habit and I enjoyed it.

This works for blogging, but it also works for any other thing you might be wanting to change in your life. What we do is generally a matter of habit. So whether you are trying to make new habits or change old ones, make a plan, make it achievable and get on with it. Before you now it, it will just be something you do.

Then you get to reap the rewards.

If your habits change your body you’ll see it, If they change your mind, you’ll feel it, and if they change your wealth you’ll notice it.

What habits do you want to make or break that will leave you feeling better for 2015?

Here are some ideas.

Diet – eat 7 portions of fresh fruit and vegetables a day

Exercise – 30 minutes a day

Meditation – meditate daily

Blogging – blog daily

Business – build your online profile

Relationships – speak to at least one friend a day

Partner – compliment your partner at least once a day

Mindfulness – practice being in the moment daily

Hobby – spend some time each week doing something you enjoy

Experiences – try something new every week

Learning – learn a new skill

Little changes make large differences – where do you want to be in 2016? What are you doing to get there?

2014 – It’s been a good year!

If you had to grade your year, what would it get?

I’ve been pretty pleased with 2014.

My health has been good (slight issue with plantar fasciitis, but nothing in the grand scheme of things)

My blog has grown considerably – Thank you guys – your support is amazing and I love you all.

My business turnover has doubled (not a big ask considering where it started from, but I’m still very pleased)

My partner and I have spent some great time with each other (including a fantastic meal or 5 along the way)

Our dog is getting old, but we have been lucky enough to enjoy her for another year.

I have learned new things (creating websites, seo, hypnotic language patterns, marketing strategies, working with Parkinson’s Disease and much much more)

I have overcome obstacles.

I’ve held parties.

I’ve laughed with friends.

I’ve eaten more than is good for me 😦 but really enjoyed it 🙂

I want to have a great year in 2015 too.

I want to set goals so that I have things to achieve, but I also don’t want to set too many expectations as part of the joy of living is going where the wind takes you…so here goes

1. I want to improve my fitness – maybe start pilates.

2. I want to double my turnover for the business again.

3. I want to have over 1000 followers on my blog.

4. I want to enjoy spending time with my partner, my dog and my friends.

5. I want to learn a new skill that will help someone else.

6. I want to change one thing each month that will improve mine or someone else’s life.

I’d love to know how your year has been and what plans you have for next year – and if I can help in any way – let me know!

Thank you 2014, you’ve been great.

Sunday Poem – Twas the Night before Christmas

As you may know by now, I like to post a poem on a Sunday, preferably one that I have enjoyed since I was a child.

Well, with it being the last Sunday before Crimbo, what else could I possibly choose?

Quick Challenge before you begin reading – can you name all the reindeer (clue – Rudolph is not one of them!)

Twas the night before Christmas

”Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tinny reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

“Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, on Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Toys, and St Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”

Clement Clarke Moore 1779-1863

If I don’t see you before – Have a great Christmas x