Here’s my weekly poem – I hope you enjoy it
It Couldn’t Be Done
Here’s my weekly poem – I hope you enjoy it
So, you’re back to work for another year…and it’s so good to see all of your workmates – or is it?
When we go to work we are almost certainly going to have to spend time with people who we wouldn’t choose to.
Personally I’ve found there are certain categories of people who have not bought out the best side to me in the past, but as with all things, how we react to them is our decision to make. Here are some of my ‘favourites’ and what coping mechanisms I have found in order to deal with them effectively.
1. The Bully
There’s always someone in the workplace who does their level best to belittle you. They pick at you, they try to pull you down. They can be overt or subtle, but you know that they are deliberately trying to make you feel excluded or useless.
The first thing you have to ask yourself is – are you playing the victim? Bully like victims – they can show their strength around them. Think about your body language and your verbal patterns. Try to be confident and happy around them – then they tend to move on to somebody with a more victim like mentality.
Secondly try to understand why this person is trying to pull you down. Well adjusted, happy people try to support other people. Bullys attack others to cover their own issues with insecurity and feelings of uselessness.
Lastly – speak to them. Tell them that you are uncomfortable with their behaviour around you and that if it doesn’t change you will take it further – the boss or HR. Then follow through with that if you don’t see evidence of change.
2. The Moaner
You know this one – as soon as anything happens (or doesn’t happen) they’re the one who see the worst possible outcome and tell the world about it. If you ask this person how they’re doing, you’ll get a catalogue of woes that will leave you feeling depressed and sad.
For me, these people have turned into a bit of a game. The pleasure for me is to try to see the bright side of whatever it is they are moaning about. If they moan that it’s raining you can say that it saves you watering the garden. If they moan about overtime, you can talk about what the extra cash will help you do…..Eventually they will find you so irritating they will find someone else to moan to.
Being a Pollyanna and seeing the bright side of everything can be an effective way to deal with a moaner, but sometimes they can be too much to deal with to. I once worked with someone who sang ‘Good Morning’ from singing in the rain, every morning. At first it was sweet, then I wanted to make her stop.
Firstly – check yourself – are you being a moaner? If so, stop it immediately!
Secondly, try to accept this little ray of sunshine into your life – remember it could be worse. One thing to try to keep in mind about these types is that they are often using it as a bit of a front. Don’t forget that they can be having a hard time too. Think about Robin Williams for a second.
4. The Ego maniac
Oh how they Love themselves and want to tell you all about it. They are Great at what they do, they have a great house/partner/holiday/life/car….everything in fact.
Firstly, don’t try and compete with these people – It’s what they want.
Secondly don’t believe everything they say
Thirdly just give them a non committal ‘That’s nice’ and you’ll end up shutting them down.
The thing you need to work out about this person is ‘why are they trying to impress you?’ Do they hold you in very high regard? Are they feeling desperately insecure and are terrified about getting found out?
5. The Backstabber
Maybe this person is a tell-tale, maybe they talk about people behind their backs, maybe they say one thing and do another. What ever their form of backstabbing is, you need to be able to deal with them.
Firstly – don’t get involved. It’s a dangerous path and you could easily end up coming off worst.
Secondly – don’t rely on them or their honesty. Make sure all your dealing with them are open and up front, then they have nothing to use against you.
Again, understanding this behaviour is useful. Why does this person feel the need to behave in this way? Often it’s simply because they feel threatened by others and try to bring them down.
All of these types may be in your office or around you at work, and you need to be able to deal with them. One technique that can be useful for all of them is to imagine holding a black rubbish sack. When they start speaking, imagine all of their words just flowing into the bag. When you’ve finished with your conversation, imagine tying up the bag and throwing it away. Good riddance to bad rubbish!
Another method is to use a piece of jewellery as a ‘magic shield’. When they start, touch the piece of jewellery and imagine a force field springing up between you and them. They can talk all they want – you can see and hear them, but nothing gets through.
Lastly, remember this is just a person you work with. Choose to not let them get to you, and there is nothing that they can do about it. Your reactions are in your control, not theirs.
Have a great time at work, enjoy the good people and ignore the bad ones and whatever you do, try to be a good one yourself x
Confidence is a bit like air.
When you have it you tend not to think about it, when you don’t it can feel awful.
Social anxiety, performance anxiety and generalised anxiety can all be debilitating, reducing sufferers to people afraid to leave their own homes and with serious esteem issues.
The good news is that it can be overcome.
It takes work, and it’s not always easy, but you can do it.
My advice would be to get professional help – counsellors and therapists can work wonders in this area.
If you’re not ready to take that step, or think you can manage it yourself there are some things that you can do to move forward.
1. Challenge your beliefs.
If you you believe that everyone at the party will hate you – challenge that.
Firstly, it’s very likely that most people at the party will barely notice you. Most of the time we are so wrapped up in our own thoughts and lives that we barely notice what anyone else is doing, wearing or thinking.
Secondly, it’s very unlikely that EVERYONE will have a bad opinion of you, whatever you do. Even serial killers get fan mail. Surely you’re not that bad!
Thirdly, I doubt very much anyone will HATE you. Hating takes a lot of energy. Think about it – do you HATE anyone? If so, were they someone you randomly met at a party?
2. Ask yourself – so what?
If you believe that you will not be very good at something, ask yourself, so what?
What if you’re not very good at it? What will it matter?
Maybe people won’t clap – so what? What if they don’t? Will you die? Will anyone else die? Will it cause you pain?
Maybe they won’t / will laugh (depending on whether or not you’re trying to be funny) – so what?
Maybe they won’t book you to do another gig?
Maybe people will talk about you for a bit?
So what? It really doesn’t matter.
3. Remind yourself that it’s OK not to be perfect.
Nobody is perfect. Let me say that again – Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes, we all get awkward sometimes, we all drop things, we all get nervous, we all say the wrong things sometimes – and that’s OK.
You are not perfect, and that’s OK.
4. The chances are that the person you are standing next to is feeling anxious too.
Have you ever been in a room, where nobody is talking and you are waiting for someone to make the first move and say something. Guess what, everyone else is waiting for the same thing.
Take the bull by the horns and say something. The relief on the other persons face will let you know that they were feeling the same way and that you have just shown yourself to be the most confident one there!
Check you out!
5. Work out whether you are feeling excited or nervous.
Sometimes when we are waiting for something we start to feel physically different. Maybe our heart starts beating a bit faster, our breathing becomes a bit more rapid, our palms may get a bit sweaty and our mouth goes dry…Am I describing feeling nervous or excited? They’re both pretty much the same, so how do you know you’re not just feeling excited?
Whether you decide to take these steps yourself or get someone to help you to feel more confident, I wish you and yours a happy, confident, fulfilling party season and a fantastic new year.
Go get ’em tiger!
Have you ever had a thought that just won’t go away?
Maybe it’s the thought that something is going to happen, or not going to happen.
Maybe it’s the thought of needing to do something that you don’t really want to do.
Maybe it’s an argument that you keep playing over and over again in your head.
Whatever it is there are some tricks that are worth knowing if you really want to get the thought out of your head.
Just get on with it.
Our brains have this annoying habit of not letting go of something that has been left incomplete. Various studies have shown this to be true, and it is a technique hypnotists, like myself, use to get you to remember something in your subconscious. Once the task has been completed our brains file it as done and forget about it. So, if you have a nagging thought about doing your taxes, cleaning the loft, having a conversation with someone – just do it!
Stop thinking of Pink Elephants.
Ok, so if I tell you to not think of a pink elephant, the first thing your brain does is bring up the idea of a pink elephant. It has then failed to NOT think of a pink elephant, so it will then keep reminding you of it (see the above point). You can complete the action by deciding that you want to think about pink elephants for a minute. When the minute is up, you have completed the task and your brain can file it as done – no more pink elephants!
Plan to think about Pink Elephants.
If you can’t think about Pink Elephants now (or whatever it is you don’t want to think about) make a decision to think about Pink Elephants at a certain time. Write it down, schedule it in. Your brain can now file this under another heading – it’s not done yet, but you know when it will be, so you can stop thinking about it.
Do something that takes ALL of your concentration.
Your brain is amazing, but it can’t do too many things at once – not even if you’re a girl! By doing a task that really takes concentration you will forget about the pink elephants.
Talk about the Pink Elephants.
Talk about them, write about them, sing about them, draw pictures of them. Make use of friends, family, religious leaders, doctors, psychiatrists, counsellors, therapists, bar tenders, co-workers, the woman who serves you at the supermarket, the guy who delivers your Pizza – who ever and where ever you can, go on about the Pink Elephants until even you’re so bored of them that you don’t want to think about them any more.
I wrote a post a while ago called let it go with hypnosis – check it out! It’s a really useful technique to get an unwanted thought out of your head – what have you got to lose?
And if all else fails, maybe you should try a little professional help – It’s what I’m here for!
How have you done on your New years resolutions for 2014?
Are you making any for 2015?
Why wait for January?
We are entering into an unusual time of the year. December and everything associated with Christmas is a time that is a little outside the normal way of things. There are more parties, more food and drink, more time with families, more opportunities to have time away from work. All of these things can either help, or get in the way of, all of the resolutions detailed above.
The choice is yours.
The thing to remember is that when you made this resolution, or when you have been thinking about starting it in January, you have made the decision that this is something you want to achieve – something you want in your life.
If you’re thinking about the idea that December is your last blow out before you start your change, I would question your commitment to changing.
If you really want to lose weight, why spend December putting on more weight to lose in January?
If you really want to give up smoking why spend December risking your health for another month?
If you really want to quit drinking, why spend December with a hangover and an abused liver?
If you really want to get out of debt why spend December getting yourself into a worse position?
If you really want to get fit. why spend December sitting on the sofa eating mince pies and making it harder to start in January?
January is a bit depressing. All the parties are over, all the presents are unwrapped, the weather is rubbish and there’s nothing to look forward to for ages….so why would you want to make a change in your life at a time when you are already struggling? Do it at a good time – like NOW!
There is also the pressure of everyone starting their new years resolutions in January. How great would you feel when people are going on about how much weight they have to lose, and how much they put on over Christmas, if you could say that you had already lost half a stone and were feeling amazing?
If you have struggled to make the changes you wanted to this year, maybe it’s time to think about getting professional help. It’s OK to want a helping hand to make a change in your life. The important thing is that you make the changes you want to so that you can be as happy and fulfilled as possible. I think Hypnosis is a great way of getting that support, but there are lots of people ready and waiting to help you – slimming groups, personal trainers, volunteer groups, debt counsellors, life coaches etc etc, so don’t think you have to do it all on your own.
What ever you want to achieve to make your life better, think about what’s stopping you.
Don’t give up what you really want for something you just want now.
We’re having some friends over for dinner in a week and a half and it motivates me to to all of those little jobs that otherwise may get left – touching up the paintwork, changing the pictures, sticking down a loose carpet edge.
I want to present my home at it’s best.
I’ll be doing a bit of personal DIY as well, touching up the roots, doing the nails, putting on some fake tan.
I want to present me at my best too.
This got me to thinking – when do we do a bit of mental DIY? What are the triggers that make us work on out inner selves.
Normally it’s times of crisis, when things are difficult to deal with, but why wait that long?
If you work on little things every week you find that you are so much more ready to face problems or issues if and when they arise.
So, this week, check the corners for cobwebs, see if things could do with a little maintenance and get to work.
As with all projects, some are too big to be tackled yourself, or maybe you just don’t have the skills or knowledge to handle them. If this is the case there are always people out there who make it their job to help and support you. It’s no less sensible to call in a professional like a hypnotherapist if you need emotional support or help to change than it is to call in a builder if you need to do major work on your house.
Self Hypnosis Technique
The Switch is one of my favourite Self Hypnosis techniques, but if you are just beginning to use self hypnosis you may want to try something else to begin with, like the Betty Erickson Technique or a progressive relaxation.
To begin with, decide what you want to achieve with this session – summarise your goal into one simple line e.g. I want to be more confident or I want to feel more relaxed. Try to avoid using dead men’s goals.
Now, make yourself nice and comfortable. I usually find that it is best to be sat in a comfy chair with my feet resting flat on the ground, but you can choose whatever feels right for you. Just make sure you are in a safe place and that you have enough time to complete the exercise.
Start by imagining that you have two kinds of wires that go into every nerve and fibre of your body.
One kind controls all of the automatic functions of your body, like your blood pressure & heart rate. Decide what colour this is.
The other connects to every single voluntary part of your body that you can control e.g. breathing, limbs, muscles and your speed of thought. So, if you were to reduce power in that second bundle, your limbs, breathing and mind would instantly relax. Decide what colour this one is.
Now lift up the index finger of your left hand, and imagine under that index finger is a switch that will turn on or off that entire bundle of voluntary muscles and mental speed. Right now that light switch is in the ON position.
Close your eyes & take a very deep breath and hold your breath for approx. 5 seconds. To relax into self-hypnosis, simply imagine the coloured wires of your voluntary system going to that switch and when you breath out turn off that light switch by slowly dropping your finger.
As you do, slow your breathing, relax all your muscles and limbs and allow yourself to relax completely, as if all of the power had simply been turned down.
With the power down, focus on your goal. See yourself successfully doing your new goal. Hear all the sounds that are important to you and really feel what it will feel like. Multiply the positive feelings you will have of you achieving you goal / new habit – make them bigger, brighter and stronger until you feel absolutely brilliant.
To get maximum effect, repeat the above in different scenarios & situations and notice how you are different in the future to how you are now.
You might also notice all the little, achievable things that change to get you to your goal. See how easy they were to do and how amazing you feel when they are done.
When you’re ready to be your usual self, simply tell yourself that’s what you’re going to do. Take a deep breath in and as you do, lift your finger back up. Don’t be surprised if you feel the energy flooding back into your body when you flick the switch back to ON. By the time you breathe out, notice how you feel completely back to normal and positive, but bring with you the sense of achieving your goal and the knowledge of how to do this in the right way for you.
I hope you give this one a try. It can help you to do amazing things!
Let me know how you get on
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