Passive Aggressive Pains

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I’m big on communication.

It’s what I do, it’s why I blog and it’s someone I choose to be.

I think if you can talk about things you can resolve them. Not necessarily agree about them, but at least understand and respect the other persons opinion.

There is a current saying that bothers me a little – “I’m just saying it as it is”. People seem to think this is a get out of jail free card for being mean and unpleasant. It’s not. Firstly, you’re not saying it as it is, you are saying it as you see it – that’s not the same thing. Secondly you can express your feelings in a sensitive and respectful way if you think about what it is you are trying to communicate.

If I’m being really honest though, these people are not as annoying as those who say one thing, then claim it was all a joke if there is any come back from it. This is classic passive aggressive behaviour and if I let it, it drives me wild.

Instead of owning what they are saying, they make out the the recipient of their comment is at fault if they don’t take it in good humour. By claiming it was ‘just a joke’ they try to remove the sting from their words and then make the person who they have upset seem as though it is their fault.

Unacceptable people!

So, why do people behave this way?

Personally I think it’s down to a lack of confidence. If you believe what you are saying and it’s coming from a good place, why wouldn’t you own it? If you don’t believe it or know that you are just being nasty, then don’t say it.

So, if you catch someone playing the ‘just joking card’ or shame of shames, you use it yourself think about what is trying to be achieved and why. Challenge it and don’t accept it.

Have a wonderful day – and no, I’m not joking 🙂

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3 Comments

Filed under coaching, Development, Happy, inspiration, Mental Health, Motivation, Positivity, Psychology, Self Help

3 responses to “Passive Aggressive Pains

  1. Eilene

    Is it possible for a person to be passive aggressive in a way similar to the “it was just a joke” – but that they don’t necessarily blame? For example, maybe some habit irks them, but instead of talking about their feelings they joke about it like, “Oh my, I’ve found yet another piece of trash on the kitchen counter. Silly girl.” But you get the feeling the person is not really joking.

    • Absolutely.This is still a passive aggressive way of saying “please don’t leave trash on the kitchen counter, it bothers me”. If it’s being said to a child then the word silly isn’t great. That behaviour may be untidy/ inconsiderate but it’s not really silly. If it’s being said to an adult the use of the word girl infantalises them, making them seem like a child.
      People use language carelessly sometimes and mean no harm from it, but we all have hang ups and emotional blocks because people have said the wrong thing or said it in the wrong way.

  2. Nice thoughts – really!

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