Not you – obviously You’re not annoying – it’s everybody else – right?
Do things bug you? Do those who you love most in the world sometimes drive you insane?
The problem is we can take every irritant personally. We treat every action, deliberate or accidental, conscious or subconscious, as a personal slight—a sign the other doesn’t care about us or isn’t prioritizing us the way they should. When we don’t get what we want, we can interpret it as, “You don’t love me enough.” We think, “If you really cared about me, you’d stop driving me crazy with all your irritating habits.”
Unfortunately, much behaviour is mindless; we do many things without thinking. The simple fact is that people engage in automatic behaviours that are habitual or self-focused without taking the other person into account. Yes, it’s a little self centred, but not deliberately so.
If your partner has a habit that he or she is not aware of but that drives you up a wall, like leaving the bathroom door open, leaving bread crumbs in the butter dish, walking around in underwear or cracking their knuckles it is worth bringing it up in a loving way. Maybe it simply never occurred to them that it bothers you.
If you’ve spoken to them about their habit and they continue to do it it could be that your partner just can’t change this aspect of them self and it’s time to take stock. Try reminding yourself what you have—and what you stand to lose. Yes their habit might annoy you, but is it worth losing them over. If the other aspects in the relationship are going well, maybe it’s just about doing some re framing on how you feel about the habit. Take for example the habit of leaving the bathroom door open. Is there any way that you could see this as a positive? I mean, how great is it that they trust you so much that they can be completely open and vulnerable around you?
Sometimes the thing that drives you crazy is totally out of their control. Snoring is a classic example of this.
Yes, it’s annoying.
Yes, it’s disruptive.
No, it cannot be controlled by the snorer.
So what to do?
Well, if you can’t re frame it by saying to yourself that at least you know that they’re breathing and safe in bed next to you, then you could try hypnosis. Hypnosis can be used for all sorts of things including changing how we feel about things. I have hypnotised people to feel more confident, more assertive and less irritated by trivialities. In the case of a wife who was driven to desperation by her husbands snoring I just helped her to feel more and more relaxed with each snore that she heard, so that instead of disturbing her, the snoring sent her into a deep peaceful sleep.
If you don’t fancy Hypnotherapy then maybe it’s time to buy some earplugs or move to a different room 🙂
Have a great weekend with those you love.
One response to “It’s not deliberate”
The behavior is usually not personal. It’s not meant to irritate. It’s just part of who they are. It’s the same they’d do with anyone.